


Can you see me

by niamhilysb



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Build up to reveal, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Happy Ending, High School, M/M, Plot Twists, Secrets, it gets better and then it gets worse again, mentions of minor character death, permanent illness, teenage love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2018-10-10 02:40:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 35,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10427322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niamhilysb/pseuds/niamhilysb
Summary: High School AU - When Magnus changes Maths classes he finds himself drawn to Alec Lightwood, who sits on his phone in lesson, sneaks around the school and is still top of the class and one of the most popular students. Alec might return those feelings but he has some serious secrets that he doesn't think Magnus can handle. But does that mean he'll be able to resist Magnus' charm?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm finally uploading this to AO3, after much procrastination. I'm on fanfiction.net but I've found personally that fics on here are more well received so i thought I would give it a shot. So this fic is probably going to take ages to actually finish but I am working on chapter 3 already :) If anyone enjoys this or has any constructive criticism please leave a comment or kudos <3

It was not a significant day for Magnus. Not at all, really. He'd gotten up at the crack of dawn, mostly because he'd gone to sleep at around 8pm last night but also to begin his rigorous face routine and to prepare for school. He had met Tessa outside his house and they had gotten the bus together like they had done since they were eleven. And now Magnus was sitting in English for the last five minutes of the lesson. Strangely enough he could feel himself dozing off slightly despite all the sleep he had gotten last night but that was probably more because of how extremely tedious Mr Starkweather was. His voice was practically lulling Magnus to sleep and not in a good way. In fact Magnus was dreaming about those Giuseppe Zanotti black and gold trainers that he'd had his eye on for a while.

"Psst, pst-" Magnus turned around reluctantly to glare at Will who had been trying to get his attention for five minutes now clearly unbeknownst to the fact that Magnus was simply ignoring him.

"Where were you at lunch?" Will cut to the point quickly, glancing at Mr Starkweather in case he saw them talking.

"I was talking to Miss Seelie; she was asking me how I felt my maths work was going recently." Magnus hissed, mystified as to why Will was asking him right now when English was almost over.

"Oh…" Will looked oddly disappointed with his answer.

"Why do you look so put out by that?" Magnus inquired knowing that he was going to regret asking but doing it anyway.

"Eh, no reason, I just presumed you'd been getting it on with that guy again, Woolsey wasn't it?"

"Pfft, that ended right after it had started, he's a player and I only did it because I was feeling antsy that day." Magnus shrugged; surprised that Will had brought that topic back up when it had been weeks since the incident with Woolsey had happened.

"Oh, right okay well never mind then…" Will looked around the classroom suddenly averting Magnus's eyes.

"Will, why are you acting so strange?" Magnus demanded.

"I… shit, don't kill me Magnus. But I… might have bet Jem that you would get with someone before Christmas and I was… hoping that I could win faster if you and Woolsey got closer and honestly-" Will trailed off slowly at the look on Magnus's face.

"Are you serious? Sorry that I can't manage to keep someone interested for long enough for you to win your stupid bet William!" Magnus wasn't even mad at Will; he was more embarrassed that his non-existent love life had become the subject of Will and Jem's bets.

"I'm sorry Magn…" Will began but Magnus cut him off.

"No, don't apologise, it's fine, I just don't love highlighting the fact that I'm extremely single." Magnus rolled his eyes to show Will that he was joking… sort of.

"I am sorry though, it was insensitive and I shouldn't have brought it up Magnus." Will's bright blue eyes bored into Magnus's, full of sincerity that he hadn't expected, "You'll find someone Magnus, I know it."

Magnus didn't know what to say to that so he just smiled gratefully at Will and turned around just in time to hear the bell ring to indicate the end of the lesson. Magnus's mind was swimming with thoughts after his conversation with Will. Why was he so desperate for a boyfriend at this point in his life? He's seventeen! He has his whole life to find a guy (or girl but for now he'd given up on women because they were too annoying) but for some reason he couldn't stop feeling like he needed a boyfriend to be happy. It was so unusual for him to feel like this. Normally things didn't faze him and he was always flamboyant and creative and happy-go-lucky but lately he just hadn't felt that way. Well it was time for that to change! Starting right now, Magnus was going to look at the positive side of everything. He didn't have a boyfriend because it wasn't the right time for him to have a boyfriend. Magnus was a firm believer of the phrase 'everything happens for a reason' and he was going to stick by that from now on.

With that thought in his mind, he marched to his maths class for the last lesson of the day. And he was immediately greeted by Miss Seelie who prevented him from walking into the classroom.

"Uh…?" Magnus raised an eyebrow questioningly at his teacher whose beautiful auburn hair was pulled into a loose ponytail today.

"Don't worry. You're not in trouble. Quite the contrary, actually. You're moving to the higher class, Magnus!" Miss Seelie told him, with a knowing smile on her face.

Magnus's brain took five seconds for this to sink in.

"You… Oh my god. That's why you were asking me all those questions earlier about how confident I was feeling. You knew!" Magnus pretended to act betrayed but couldn't help the happy smile which was spreading across his face.

"Well, I wouldn't want to keep your new teacher waiting. Off you go, room 7." Miss Seelie politely shooed him away.

It was like the universe had heard Magnus's thoughts earlier. He had been working so hard in maths and it had paid off. This was just what he needed.

He was practically skipping down the hallway with uncontained joy. He actually skipped past room 7 but quickly backtracked to stand in front of the door.

He knocked once and opened the door immediately to see an intimidating classroom of all the smartest kids in the year.

"Ah, you must be Magnus Bane." The teacher said, walking closer to the door.

"Indeed I am." Magnus silently cursed himself for using the word 'indeed', who uses that word anymore?

"Well I'm Miss Loss and I'll be teaching you for the rest of the year. You can sit…" She scanned the room briefly, probably deciding who would be distracted by Magnus the least, "yes, you can sit by Alexander Lightwood over there." She pointed towards the back of the class where a boy was sitting slouched over the desk.

Hearing his name the boy looked up and Magnus had to hold back a gasp. The most beautiful hazel eyes were looking at Magnus with slight interest. He had clear ivory skin and ink black hair which Magnus could tell wasn't actually styled but rather was left in a tousled mess which screamed 'I woke up like this' but suited Alexander perfectly. Even sitting down he looked toned and muscular especially with his blazer off. He must work out, Magnus thought briefly, before going back to his analysis of Alexander's body. He was leaning on the desk with both elbows and his hands were tucked under his chin. His eyes, dear god his eyes, were still looking at Magnus this time with concealed amusement and his skin was faintly pink. The things Magnus would do to Alexander Lightwood.

"Ahem."

Magnus blinked once and suddenly the reason for Alexander's amusement became clear. Magnus had been staring at him for god knows how long.

Wow, was he making a fool out of himself today.

"Magnus, you can sit down now." Miss Loss said pointedly.

"Right, yes of course." Most people would be embarrassed if they had just been caught checking a guy out in front of their new maths class but as always Magnus shrugged it off.

He strode to the back of the class and quickly sat down trying as hard as possible not to look at Alexander and get caught again.

But of course as soon as Magnus tried not to look at him, the more impossible it became. After an excruciating five seconds, Magnus dared a glance out of the corner of his eye and was baffled to see Alexander blatantly sitting on his phone in class despite it being against the school rules. Of course, Magnus's extreme love for black eyeliner and glitter on a daily basis wasn't exactly allowed but it was strange that Alexander was so clearly on his phone and Miss Loss didn't seem to care.

The lesson proceeded with Magnus struggling to stay focused when his neighbour was so distracting. It wasn't just his looks, he smelt amazing (Dior Homme, Magnus would hazard a guess) but more than anything, it was that goddamn phone that seemed glued to his hand. What could he possibly be so obsessed with that he couldn't look up once in half an hour? Magnus's mind began whirring with possible theories. Maybe he has a hot boyfriend who he's constantly texting… or worse a girlfriend! Or what if he's in trouble with the police and he's currently googling ways to escape conviction… For god's sake Magnus! Pull it together.

Magnus was abruptly pulled out of his brooding by the sound of Miss Loss's voice.

"So, how can you show that n²-n-90=0? Hmm, Alec do you want to have a go?"

Magnus wondered briefly if anyone in their right mind would want to have a go and then looked around to see who Alec was.

And to his surprise Alexander looked up once and said confidently "n = 10. 10² - 10 - 90 = 0."

So not only did Alexander evidently go by Alec for short but he could also solve maths equations in fewer than ten seconds _and_ that was after being on his phone for the entirety of the lesson.

It didn't happen often but Magnus was impressed.

The rest of the lesson passed without incident. Alec returned to his mobile, Magnus sped through some equations and Miss Loss said nothing about the obvious rule breaking happening in the seat next to him.

Just before the bell rang, a boy with golden blonde hair tried to get Alec's attention.

"Oi. Oi. OI!"

Magnus watched as Alec looked up and had a whispered conversation with the boy who seemed to be called Jace.

"Well meet us on the field in thirty then." Jace said running a hand through his hair.

"Alright. I might not even _be_ that long Jace." Alec muttered. He then turned round and caught Magnus watching him _again_. Magnus being Magnus held his stare confidently. Alec seemed a little embarrassed but not uncomfortable and his eyes held interest not horror. What was only minutes felt like hours to Magnus and in that moment he knew he wanted to get to know this hazel eyed mystery.

The bell rang, the moment shattered and Alec dropped his gaze but looked up once again. _Fuck it,_ Magnus thought and winked a glittery eyelid in his direction. With that he picked up his one of a kind Michael Kors satchel and strutted out of the room.

 _Wow, that was a lot more eventful than I thought it would._ Magnus mused about Alec as he walked down the corridor.

He was definitely not straight, that much was obvious. Even though Magnus had had a couple of moments of doubt throughout the lesson, no straight guy blushed when they saw another guy checking them out like Alec had. Was he out though? That would definitely be a problem if he wasn't. It wasn't that Magnus had an issue with closeted guys it was more that when he was interested in a guy he would hate to sneak around to be with him.

Magnus was in such deep thought that he walked into the row of lockers outside the History rooms.

As Magnus opened his locker he realised that with all his subtle flirting at the end of maths he'd left his textbook with the homework questions in on his desk.

Reluctantly he turned around and headed back to room 7 while quickly sorting through his satchel to make sure he hadn't left any other books.

He was still doing this as he reached the maths section of school which is how he didn't see Alec Lightwood himself leaning against the doorframe of room 7 and how he walked straight into Alec's very solid body.

"Jesus Christ! I think I just broke my nose on your-'' Magnus looked up clutching his nose and his jaw dropped. "Alexander. What are you still doing here?''

"Um, well I was talking to Miss Loss and then I realised that you'd left your textbook behind and I was going to try and find you but then I saw you walking down the hall so I decided to just wait for you to see me. But it turns out you didn't…" Alec stopped abruptly as if he realised how much he had said and he started turning slightly pink again. Magnus found it positively adorable.

Alec was holding out the textbook when Magnus stopped gazing at him and refocused so he quickly grabbed it and looked Alec directly in the eyes.

"Thank you… Alexander." He whispered in what he knew was a sexy tone. And it worked like a charm; Alec turned a bright red and averted his eyes suddenly.

They both knew that it was time for one of them to end the conversation because at this point they were just standing awkwardly in front of the maths room looking at each other.

Surprisingly though it was Alec – who had regained his normal pale skin tone – who stood up straighter and glanced at his watch in an offhand manner.

"Jace is gonna kill me." He muttered under his breath. "I have to go; I'll see you around, okay." Then with unexpected confidence he leaned forward so much so that Magnus could smell that his earlier guess was right, Alec was definitely wearing Dior Homme.

"You can call me Alec by the way." He whispered hotly in Magnus's ear before letting his lips graze over the skin underneath it.

Magnus stood absolutely still while Alec walked casually past him.

He had never been so taken aback in his life.

He felt almost like he'd just been on the biggest rollercoaster in the world three times but in a good way not a 'throwing up for the past two hours' way.

No, this feeling of adrenaline and excitement but also fear combined was exhilarating.

Magnus didn't know what would happen with Alexander next but he did know one thing.

He was going to enjoy maths class.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus interrogates Tessa about Alec and finds out very good things coupled with slightly bad things. And a party is planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the second of the chapters that I already had on fanfiction.net. I have no idea when chapter three will be up but if i can I might try for next week... I'm making no promises though.  
> If you enjoy leave kudos and comment pls :)

Magnus was in his own world. He was floating around his room thinking about those eyes and hot lips that he could still almost feel on his skin. He wanted those lips everywhere. Seriously. However a sharp rap on the leg brought him back to reality where he was on his bed with Tessa standing over him holding her ruler out like a weapon.

"Magnus. Tell me why you have been grinning like an idiot for the past hour right now." Tessa pointed her ruler at him sternly, though the twinkle in her eye told him she wasn't actually going to hurt him. At least, not badly.

Magnus thought about keeping Alec to himself for a while and giving Tessa some flimsy excuse about being happy with life but not only would Tessa see through that, she was also his best friend and she could have some valuable information on Alec.

"Well… Okay… I flirted with this totally hot guy in maths and he actually flirted back like he flirted back with me. A hot guy, Tessa! And he was so sweet, he saw that I'd left my textbook so he picked it up to give to me and it was so nice and he's got the most beautiful hazel eyes and his muscles, Tessa you know I don't rate people based on their looks but if I did, Alexander would be an 100." Magnus let out a slow breath of air and looked up to see Tessa smiling knowingly at him.

"What is it? Oh, I was just rambling wasn't I? I would say sorry but I'm not sorry at all, why are you-"

"Magnus, I mean this with all the kindness in my heart but shut up. Are you talking about Alexander Lightwood?"

Magnus nodded quickly. "Do you know him? Oh my God, please set us up on a date if you do."

"I know of him. I know his family is filthy rich for a start.' Magnus's eyes widened a fraction at this but he didn't know why he was surprised, even though Alec's jumper had clearly been worn it had also clearly been from last year's Tom Ford collection. 'He's on the basketball team and he swims outside of school. He's the smartest kid in our year as well.' Tessa looked directly at Magnus now, her grey eyes swirling with suppressed mischief. 'And he came out last month to overwhelming support from his family and friends."

Magnus gasped at that sentence. He'd been sure Alec wasn't straight but he'd never expected him to be out. This was perfect.

"Magnus. I know what that face means… Are you going to try and woo Alexander Lightwood?"

"Why shouldn't I?" Magnus looked at Tessa closely, "What is it? Tessa? What are you not telling me?"

Tessa scrunched her nose up as if she didn't want to say anything, "This is just a rumour but a lot of people have said that Alec doesn't date."

Magnus laughed shortly "That's not an issue, I don't mind inexperienced people, you know that."

"No, Magnus, he's definitely experienced. He just doesn't date." Tessa looked uncomfortable now.

OH. God.

It clicked into place in Magnus's head.

"He sleeps around." It wasn't a question. It was clear from Tessa's face that he was right.

"I don't know if it's true Magnus. I just heard from Camille that after he came out, he became very comfortable at parties, if you know what I mean."

Magnus knew exactly what that meant. Just the idea of Alec being sexual in public at parties made Magnus's mouth dry. But that didn't mean he was never going to date. It just meant he hadn't found the right person yet. And Magnus was going to make it his mission to be the right person. In fact he said that to Tessa right then.

"I hope you can Magnus,' Her eyes softened, 'Seriously, you deserve to be happy. And you of all people know that guys who sleep around aren't bad people, just misunderstood."

Magnus had to look away then, Tessa's soft tone and understanding eyes were making his throat close up and the last thing he wanted to do was get emotional while talking about a boy.  
∞  


Magnus felt so jittery in History. What the hell was wrong with him? Alec was one guy. Admittedly a very attractive guy but Magnus didn't even know him very well, so why was he so nervous? Tessa had told him last night to stay cool, start a conversation with him and go from there. And that was all he needed to do, it wasn't as if he was planning on asking him out or proposing. He needed to calm down.

When the bell went, Magnus flew out of his chair and stuffed everything into his bag. He had to be in the maths class before Alexander so he could make sure he looked good and felt calm.

Alec arrived about two minutes after Magnus had sat down so he had had ample time to check his hair and make sure he was breathing at a normal rate.

When Alec walked in, Magnus felt every ounce of oxygen leave his body suddenly. Alexander was wearing tight black skinny jeans with a plain white t-shirt and a leather jacket was hanging from his arm. But this simple yet mouth-watering outfit was not what shocked Magnus, it was the almost hidden but still noticeable outline of a black tattoo that was peeking through his shirt sleeve just below his shoulder.

Magnus had always found tattoos attractive and now this had happened he was starting to feel like the universe was finally seeing how kind hearted and deserving he was of good things. Because Alexander in that outfit and having at least one tattoo at the age of 17 was a good thing.

"Hey Magnus." Alec dropped into his chair next to Magnus and started rummaging through his bag.

Magnus smirked and nodded and even though it may have looked cool to Alec it was more because of the fact that he was unsure whether he would be able to force a sentence out that wasn't in a different language or a swear word. Finally he pulled himself together.

"Nice tat," he said way more evenly than he felt.

"You like? My parents almost killed me for it but I said it was a form of art and they love art as a form of expression so they don't mind so much now." Alec looked away, almost afraid he'd said too much but Magnus was wishing he'd carried on. His voice was captivating and hearing about his personal life was a lot more interesting than it should have been to Magnus.

"What is it? Like what does it mean?" Magnus saw Alec hesitate at the question and quickly added, "You don't have to tell me obviously if it's personal..."

"No it's not, it's just no one generally asks me what it means, they're more interested in how I got it so young." Alec gazed at Magnus when he said this with a look of surprised intrigue in his eyes as if he wasn't expecting Magnus to be the way he is.

"It's a rune. They're from Ancient Greek times and this one means fearless. I got it the week before I came out." He had been looking down while saying this and when he looked up and his eyes met Magnus's they were questioning and Magnus knew Alec was waiting for Magnus to be surprised or taken aback.

But Magnus just grinned at him, trying to show without words how supportive he was and said softly, "I love it."

They looked at each other then and for a moment Magnus felt that Alec was feeling the same attraction as he was but then Miss Loss walked and the moment was over and they went straight into calculus.

One thing Magnus did not fail to notice however was the little smile that was etched onto Alec's face _and_ that Alec's phone did not make a single appearance all lesson.  
∞  


At lunch, Magnus, Tessa, Will and Jem were sitting at their usual table when Camille Belcourt strutted over and took a seat unannounced.

"Um... Camille, no offence but what are you doing?" Will had a fork full of food halfway towards his mouth and an eyebrow raised.

"I want to make sure you're all coming to my party this weekend. It's my birthday next month." She smiled icily at Will.

"Next month...? Okay whatever I'm sure we'll pop in then." Jem looked confused but as usual spoke politely and kindly towards Camille.

"And you, Magnus? You won't miss it, will you? " She smiled sweetly at Magnus, though her green eyes remained cold.

"You know me, Camille, I never miss a party," Magnus said breezily, "Will the basketball team be there?"

"Probably, if they can drag themselves away from the courts. Why do you care?" She had an intrigued look on her face. "Got your eye on the new gay athlete Alec Lightwood?"

Magnus didn't look her in the eye and that was all the answer she needed.

"He'll be there, he loves my vast assortment of spare rooms." Camille laughed coldly and gracefully walked back to her packed table without a second glance.

"Well. At least you know he'll be there." Will tried, "And she could have been joking about that spare room thing, Camille loves to mess with people's heads so just don't take it too-"

"Just shut up, Will please." Magnus snapped and swiftly got up and headed to the library without saying goodbye to his friends.

There was a myriad of thoughts swirling around in his mind but one was more prominent than the others.

If all Alexander wanted was a hook-up, then Magnus was fine with that. But he was going to make it so good that Alec would be left coming back to Magnus again and again until eventually he'd give in and start dating Magnus properly.

So maybe it wasn't a foolproof plan but at least he could get a hot hookup with Alexander out of it. That at least was worth it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camilles party takes place, Magnus meets another Lightwood and gets to know his favourite one a little better...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :) I worked super hard to get this chapter done this week because I'm off for two weeks so i would really appreciate feedback and all that just to motivate me to keep updating because i have so much other work to do (I have mock exams and then real exams all in the next month).  
> Thank u to anyone who has given kudos so far I was not expecting as good of a reaction because fanfiction.net is nowhere near this popular so I'll be updating this story on here from now on.  
> Just to give everyone a clear image in their head, I started to write this in august last year so the first couple of chapters were blue eyed Alec and now I want to write matt dad's Alec but I have to find time to edit all my chapters to describe his hazel eyes not blue. So when that happens I'll update the summary.  
>   
> As for Magnus, I sometimes picture HSJ completely, sometimes my head makes up a brand new Magnus who doesn't even exist but harry is the muse for Magnus (except just a tiny bit taller in my head and with gold and green eyes all the time)  
> I wanted to clarify that because I personally like picturing everything in my head when I read so it's better to be specific imo.  
> Anyway enough rambling hope everyone enjoys the chapter. Also there's a POV change in this chapter but I'm not sure how often that will be happening because I thought of this fic from Magnus' POV.  
> All mistakes are my own because I don't have a beta so pls keep that in mind :)  
> Enjoy ;)  
> Ps. As much as i try to americanise my writing I am still British born and raised so if there are any inconsistencies pls forgive and forget :/

Magnus took a deep breath and looked for the final time in his full length mirror.  
He had squeezed his ass into his skinniest black jeans which were ripped here and there to expose his bare legs. He had paired these with a wine red shirt but had decided to forego all but three of the buttons just to show off his skin to everyone... well he was thinking specifically of a certain someone.  
But that wasn't why he had spent an extra five minutes on his eyeliner and hair. At least not completely.  
His eyes were smokey and dark with smudged out black wings and glitter crusted on his lids. His hair was spiked up and he had sprayed pink streaks into it so it was a tangled mess of black and pink.  
Magnus knew that he looked good. So why was he worried that Alec wouldn't think the same?  
  
∞  
  
Camille's house _was_ huge and it loomed over Magnus as he sauntered inside, where god knows how many kids were already drunk in the hallway (which was the size of Magnus's whole house on its own).

He wandered over to the drinks table by the entrance to the kitchen to pour himself a shot of vodka which he quickly threw back for some liquid courage. And then he turned and scanned the large kitchen, not even bothered by the way his heart sank when he couldn't see a dark mop of black hair or toned pale muscles in sight.  
He couldn't just mope around wondering whether Alec would turn up though, that would be ridiculous and completely unlike him. So he turned back to the drinks and poured a full glass of vodka that he raised to his lips before deciding to be sensible and adding a small amount of diet coke to it just to balance it all out.  
  
While he was musing on where Will, Tessa and Jem were, a tall, dark haired girl (well more of a woman really) wearing a striking outfit - dark red skirt that barely reached her mid thighs, a black lace bralette and silver diamanté boots- strutted to the table and poured herself a glass of vodka like Magnus had done but unlike Magnus she drank it straight and didn't even wince.  
He chuckled before he could stop himself and the girl looked at him questioningly - she looked vaguely familiar, with high cheekbones and pale skin.  
  
" Not that it's not impressive but you'll be drunk in about an hour if you carry on with that, darling." He nodded at the glass in her hand and the girl smiled knowingly.  
  
"I've been drinking vodka since I was 14. I'm probably going to remain relatively sober."  
  
Magnus couldn't help but wonder why a 14 year old girl would start drinking vodka regularly but he shrugged it off quickly.  
  
"I'm Isabelle. Isabelle Lightwood." She held out a hand for Magnus to shake but Magnus's brain had short-circuited.  
  
_Lightwood_.  
As in Alexander Lightwood.  
Everything suddenly made sense, but Magnus felt he had to clarify why he hadn't moved for a minute.  
  
"You- Are you Alexander's sister by any chance?"  
  
Isabelle giggled.  
"You call him Alexander? How formal. Yeah I'm his sister, how do you know my brother?"  
  
_I'm planning our future together,_ Magnus thought and silently berated himself for even thinking that.  
  
"Oh, I wouldn't say I _know_ him, I sit next to him in Maths. I'm Magnus by the way."  
  
Realisation seemed to dawn in Isabelle's eyes and she smirked but didn't say anything to explain this reaction.  
  
"So is Alec coming tonight?" Magnus asked trying and probably failing to sound casual.  
  
"Oh yeah he promised he'd turn up at some point but he's had a few appointments today so he'll probably be really- um I mean he'll just be a while."  
_Appointments? What type of appointments do 17 year olds have these days?_ Magnus pondered.  
He opened his mouth to subtly ask Isabelle for more info on Alec when she squealed.  
  
"Is that from the new YSL line?" She pointed at Magnus's shirt with barely contained envy.  
  
"Oh this? Yeah I have some connections." Magnus shrugged nonchalantly, trying to hide how impressed he was that Isabelle would recognise the shirt when it had no hints of being designer unless you wore it and realised it was pure silk. _Damn, what is it with these Lightwoods all being so charming?_ He thought fleetingly.  
  
"Well hook me up with some of them, I need more YSL in my life." Isabelle laughed but her eyes were searching Magnus as if she was looking for something.  
  
"Erm, has my makeup smudged or something...?" Magnus questioned.  
  
Isabelle shook her head quickly.  
"No I was just admiring your eyeliner, of course." She was blatantly lying and Magnus was intrigued as to what she had actually been thinking.  
  
At that moment, Isabelle was grabbed by the shoulders and spun into a hug by a tall figure covered by a worn vans hoodie and black ripped jeans.  
  
_Alexander._  
He released Isabelle and his gaze landed on Magnus and his eyes widened with surprise and something else. _Was it mischief?_  
Isabelle was muttering to Alec under her breath, Magnus caught the words "doctor" and "updates" but didn't actively try to eavesdrop. He was actually starting to feel a bit awkward and was contemplating how to say goodbye when Alec looked directly at him.  
  
"Hi, Magnus. You look- well you look really good." He seemed surprised that he had managed to say that but Magnus's brain had turned off the minute he had said "good".  
  
He mentally shook himself.  
  
"Thank you Alexander," Magnus said and before the moment was lost added slyly, "You should see me without the clothes on."  
  
Isabelle laughed freely at that and Alec looked torn for a moment. Then he straightened up.  
  
"Maybe I should." He smirked at Magnus and glanced at Isabelle only fleetingly but it still seemed to mean something.  
  
"Oh I just spotted Simon, I'm going to leave you boys to it." She looked mischievously at Magnus for a second, "Get Alec to give you my phone number and we can talk more fashion."  
  
To an outsider that sentence would sound perfectly normal but to Magnus it seemed that there was something about the way she dropped Alec's name into the command, as if she knew more than she let on. As if she knew that Magnus would use any excuse to continue talking to Alec.  
  
"Here,' Alec said, getting his phone out.  
  
Magnus hurriedly tapped in the digits that Alec read out.  
  
"Okay and you want Isabelle's too?"  
  
Magnus looked up, bewildered.  
  
"I just gave you my number first." Alec grinned and his whole face lit up and Magnus was struck by how extraordinarily beautiful he was.  
  
"You continue to surprise me, Alexander."  
  
Alec looked suddenly flustered.  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Well I had you pinned as the cliche popular guy, quieter than the rest and highly intelligent," Magnus admitted, "But then I find out you're out and proud and you're actually a kind person. Of course I wouldn't mind pinning you with something else by the way..."  
  
Alec's cheeks turned slightly pink but he grinned at Magnus' shameless flirting, "You know," He leaned in close to Magnus, "Uh, Camille has a lot of spare rooms."  
  
Magnus felt like his insides had just ignited. _This is it, Alec wants to have sex with me._ But Magnus was starting to have real feelings for him. But having sex with Alec wouldn't mean that they could never be anything more, it would just mean that their relationship started in reverse order. _What is wrong with me? Why am I fantasising about a relationship that doesn't even exist?_  
  
He shook himself back into reality to see Alec staring at him and he realised he hadn't heard a word of the past two minutes of conversation.  
  
"So do you like art?" Alec carried on, raising an eyebrow questioningly.  
  
"Um, what?"  
  
"I get the feeling you appreciate art too, I mean you liked my tattoo so..."  
  
_That's because tattoos are hot and so are you._ Magnus thought fleetingly.  
  
"Well yes you are correct, I try to go to a different museum every month. I love the classics most of all." Magnus admitted.  
  
"Okay, perfect. Come on then," Alec took Magnus by the hand and led him to the marble staircase in the entrance of Camille's house.  
  
"Wait, I'm sorry, I zoned out back then and didn't hear a word of what you said after "spare rooms" so I currently have no idea what is going on." Magnus looked at Alec sheepishly, still holding his hand.  
  
Alec laughed.  
"I thought your expression looked a bit dazed. Camille has some rare paintings in her spare rooms, I love them so whenever I come to one of her parties I go to her spare rooms and just admire the view." Alec smirked at the alternative meaning that could be taken from his sentence.  
  
Magnus, however was having an inner battle.  
_Is he being serious about the art or is he telling me that he wants to have sex. Why can't he just ask me? Does he really think anyone would say no? Right keep a composed facial expression and say something!_  
  
"Well I can never say no to a good view." He dragged his eyes up and down Alec's body pointedly and grinned as Alec flushed and looked away. _So he's not as confident as he seems._  
  
Alec quickly recovered and squeezed Magnus's hand to get his attention again.  
"Let's go then." He murmured, turning again towards the stairs.  
And this time Magnus didn't hesitate.  
Whatever happened he would most likely enjoy it, although one activity would probably be slightly more pleasant than any other.  
  
∞  
  
Alec took a deep breath and pushed the door wide open. This was his favourite of Camille's many bedrooms because it had a little balcony attached and above the bed was a beautiful painting by Andrew Ferez. It depicted a ballerina on top of a house that symbolised a jewellery box. It really captivated Alec for some reason and he also loved surreal art so Ferez was one of his favourite artists.  
  
But for some reason this time he entered the room, the art didn't interest Alec. All he could think about was Magnus. His angular, striking face that softened when he smiled and sharpened when he glared. His unique eyes with their golden-green hue and almost cat like pupils. Magnus seemed to have cast a spell on Alec and now he couldn't get him out of his head.  
  
He just needed to get Magnus out of his system and he might as well enjoy it. God knows Magnus is the hottest guy Alec has ever had a chance with so the possibility of having sex with him was even more tempting.  
And Alec was done with beating around the bush. He turned to see Magnus standing casually in the doorway, hair tousled in a way that made Alec want to run his hands through it and it wasn't helping that the pink streaks were standing out even more in the light of the room. Alec had always found dyed hair attractive. Magnus walked fully into the room and stopped at the sight of the painting.  
  
"Wow," Magnus said softly, "Ferez?"  
  
_He recognised it._ Why did that make Alec feel more attracted to Magnus? _Is this what it feels like to have a crush?_ That was one thing Alec had never experienced. He found guys sexually attractive (that's how he knew he was gay obviously) but he had never had proper feelings for anyone. Not even for Chase...  
  
But this. Magnus. These feelings weren't just physical attraction. It felt like more than that.  
Alec looked up to see Magnus' gaze burning into him. He needed to say something.  
  
"So you like it?" Alec offered, shifting on his feet.  
  
"Yes, I'm a big fan of surreal art." Magnus smiled slightly.  
  
_Of course, he likes surreal art. Because the universe just wants me to like him even more._ Alec thought wryly.  
  
"That's... good to know. I mean I love surreal art too so I guess we have something in common."  
  
"What else might we have in common, Alexander?" Magnus asked, raising an eyebrow flirtatiously.  
  
"Hm, I don't know. I'm sort of a boring person." Alec admitted sheepishly.  
  
"Oh I don't think that's true. What are you into?"  
  
"You."  
  
Alec could have hit himself in the face right that second. Why did he say that? He normally built up to kissing someone and usually it was after a certain amount of vodka had been consumed.  
But when he looked up and saw Magnus with a stunned but most definitely happy smile on his face, somehow the slight blunder didn't matter.  
  
Magnus didn't mind that he'd just had an awfully cheesy response to a common question.  
  
So before his brain started working again, Alec took two strides towards Magnus and kissed him.  
  
∞  
Magnus was frozen in place after Alec uttered the words "you".  
  
Whatever he had been expecting it had not been that.  
And he couldn't help the grin that broke onto his face just like he couldn't stop staring at Alec. Standing in the room, tall and muscled, with his black hair that tumbled all over the place. And of course his eyes. Those beautiful, warm, green-brown eyes that seemed to hold all the knowledge in the world.  
  
Magnus wanted him.  
And that's when Alec strode forward and grabbed Magnus's elbow with one hand and put his other hand on Magnus's neck.  
With care that seemed out of place, Alec tilted Magnus's face up to his and their lips met.  
  
There are some moments in life that are unforgettable. Just moments that you know you will never forget even if you want to. For Magnus, he could never forget when he had worn white jeans to school and had sat down onto grass forgetfully. He could also never forget his first time, even though it had been awful. And he could never forget when he had told his mother he was bisexual and she had wrapped him in a hug that said everything that he needed without words: I still love you, it's okay, you are accepted.  
  
But this. This topped every other moment.  
  
Alec's lips were soft upon his, the hand on his neck moving upwards until he was stroking Magnus's hair. Magnus lifted up on his tiptoes until he could wrap his own arms around Alec's neck and kiss him back properly with the same amount of passion and feeling as Alec was doing.  
  
Magnus had seen all the movies and read all the books where kissing someone was described as fireworks or explosions. And it had always felt like a lie. In the past he'd kissed people who were okay and he'd kissed people who were good, who made him want more. But he'd never felt fireworks. Or anything more than sexual desire really. But this. Kissing Alec was so different from everything else. It was like he put everything he had into kissing someone. He hid none of his feelings. Magnus could feel his desire and his passion just as much as he could feel his own. It wasn't that it felt like fireworks to kiss Alec. _Because really what about exploding into millions of tiny pieces in a burst of claustrophobic heat is romantic?_ It was that kissing Alec felt like _watching_ fireworks explode. Like that moment of unadulterated joy as you watch multitudes of colour burst in front of you. It was better than fireworks.  
  
But then Alec started hastily unbuttoning Magnus's shirt without breaking the kiss.  
  
And the moment shattered.  
  
Magnus pulled back slowly trying to think of a way to voice his thoughts without sounding stupid.  
Alec had unbuttoned all of Magnus's shirt by now (not that he had had many buttons done up in the first place) and was now shrugging off his hoodie to reveal a plain white and slightly see-through t-shirt.  
Seemingly he sensed that Magnus was thinking about something because he stopped and looked down at him questioningly.  
  
"Hmm. I don't know how to say this." Magnus admitted under his gaze not wanting to sound rude or out of place.  
  
Alec looked suddenly stricken. His eyes widened and he seemed to be reassessing everything in his mind.  
  
"Oh my god. Um, okay... I just wasn't expecting- so um... you're a virgin?" Alec looked positively stunned.  
  
Magnus opened his mouth and closed it again. Then he just couldn't help it. He laughed. He took one look at Alec's face and he couldn't control his laughter.  
  
"I'm sorry," he panted, trying to calm down, "I am most definitely _not_ a virgin, believe me."  
  
Alec looked equal parts relieved and embarrassed.  
  
"Okay calm down," he tried, looking amused at Magnus's reaction, "The way you said it made me jump to conclusions. I'm an idiot"  
  
He scrubbed a hand over his face suddenly and looked much younger.  
  
Magnus had to just say it.  
"Why don't you date people, Alec?"  
Alec's head snapped up and he stared at Magnus with surprise etched into his eyes.  
  
"I just. I know you hook up with people but you don't date anyone. And I don't understand. Are you just with people for sex? Is that all you ever want to do in your life?"  
  
"I. Uh. I don't really know to say," Alec looked at the floor fidgeting and moving his hands around, "Is it an issue? Do you not do casual sex?"  
  
"Cas- No of course I do. I've done friends with benefits, no strings attached, one night stands. But I've also done relationships. And I know which is better even if the relationships ended worse." Magnus said gently, trying to show Alec that he was not annoyed. He simply wanted to know.  
  
"I just, I have a lot of secrets. I don't mean stupid secrets like that I used to dress up as superman when I was younger or anything,"  
  
Magnus wouldn't mind Alec dressing up as superman now really. _Focus._  
  
"I mean like proper secrets. And if I dated someone, I still wouldn't want to tell them. And that wouldn't be a very healthy relationship now would it?" Alec moved to the bed and sat on it heavily.  
  
"No. I suppose it wouldn't be," Magnus glanced at Alec's face taking note of his tense shoulders. It was like he was carrying the world on them. He was clearly serious about the secrets, whatever they were.  
Alec looked up then and his eyes were sad.  
  
"I wouldn't want to burden anyone with my problems anyway."  
  
Magnus didn't know how to reply to that.  
  
So he didn't. Instead he strode over to Alec, grabbed his t-shirt by the hand and pulled him up until they were kissing. He swallowed Alec's surprised gasp at the sudden change. This time there was no softness. This was all tongues and teeth. It was hot and heated within a couple of seconds and Alec quickly wound his arms around Magnus and pulled him down so that he was in Alec's lap. Alec shuffled back to make more room so Magnus straddled Alec's hips instead.  
Magnus attached his lips to Alec's smooth pale neck, determined to make a mark on the perfectly unblemished skin.  
  
As he leaned further into Alec's body his hips rocked slightly against Alec's and Alec growled under his breath and pulled Magnus up by the hair (which Magnus found extremely hot) until he was inches away from Alec's face.  
  
"Jesus, Magnus. You're driving me crazy." He reached a hand down to Magnus's open shirt and yanked it off, finally running his hands all over Magnus's heated skin.  
  
"Hey, not fair unless you strip too." Magnus murmured lowly but Alec heard him and quickly pulled off his t-shirt to reveal jaw-dropping abs. Magnus wanted to take a photo and make it his background on every device he owns.  
  
_Seriously._  
He started pressing open mouthed kisses on every inch of Alec's body, starting with his neck and then moving further to swirl his tongue around Alec's dusted nipples which elicited a beautiful whine from Alec's throat.  
  
"What do you wanna do?" Alec managed before throwing his head back as Magnus's fingers ghosted over the waistband of his jeans.  
  
"Aside from you?" Magnus quipped, looking up from his questionable position on Alec's hips.  
  
"No, like- What do you- um, how do you- I mean..." Alec trailed off and Magnus briefly pondered on how endearing he was when he was flustered.  
  
"Darling, calm down. I don't have a preference if that's what you're asking," Magnus saw the relief in Alec's eyes as confirmation, "But... would you mind if we didn't 'go all the way tonight'?" Magnus couldn't help but sing the last part in the style of Katy Perry and Alec's eyes widened slightly.  
  
"You can sing, of course," he muttered under his breath and Magnus preened at the compliment until he remembered how they were sat and the situation they were in.  
  
"So..." Magnus prompted, catching the way Alec looked up at Magnus with confused eyes.  
  
"Do you not want to have sex with me?" He asked in a smaller voice than Magnus had expected.  
  
And, wow, the idea of someone not wanting to have sex with Alec was so laughable that Magnus was momentarily speechless. And of course Alexander took that as confirmation.  
  
"It's fine, Magnus, you just should have said something." He reached behind him for his t-shirt seemingly determined to not look into Magnus's eyes.  
  
"Alexander. Do not take this the wrong way but anyone with eyes would want to have sex with you." Alec looked at Magnus then and a faint shade of red started to cover his cheeks.  
  
"I _want_ to have sex with you. But I don't want us to turn into those "one night stand" people who can't talk to each other anymore. Because I actually enjoy speaking to you." Magnus took a deep breath and waited for Alec to start laughing at him or something equally as embarrassing.  
  
But he didn't. Instead he reached out and took Magnus's hand with a smile.  
  
"I enjoy talking to you too Magnus," Alec's eyes were shining with sincerity and Magnus felt his heart expand a little. "And not that I want to break this moment but if we're not going to have sex you're gonna have to get off me while I take a cold shower."  
  
Magnus couldn't help the laugh that came out of him at that comment.  
  
He grinned cheekily at Alec.  
  
"You know, I'm sure a little fun wouldn't make it awkward for us to see each other again."  
  
Alec's eyes glinted with desire.  
"What do you have in mind?" He shifted his weight so that Magnus was closer to his face.  
  
Magnus debated saying it out loud knowing that Alec's reaction would be hilarious but not wanting to kill the heated atmosphere.  
Fuck it.  
  
"How about I suck your dick?" He said as innocently as possible while reaching behind him to palm Alec through his jeans.  
Alec's whole face seemed to widen and he spluttered for about 30 seconds while Magnus crawled back down his body, unzipped his jeans and gazed at Alec's dick through his boxers with pure want.  
Alec seemed to be speechless with anticipation.  
  
"Alexander, while I appreciate your dramatic reaction, can you just tell me this is okay because I'm kinda big on consent - for everything."  
  
"You- I would... I never-"  
Alec took a deep breath, controlled himself and looked at Magnus directly, dark hazel meeting gold and green gems.  
  
"Suck my dick Magnus."  
And maybe the authoritative command turned Magnus on even more but he would never tell anyone else that.  
  
∞  
  
It turned out that handjobs and blowjobs with Alec were just as fun as actual sex. Well maybe not _as_ mind blowing. Magnus had imagined that any form of sex with Alec would be downright incredible but it turned out he had underestimated him there. During sex Alec transformed. He became this confident, sexy god who knew what he wanted and pleased others (namely Magnus himself) with his incredible body. Obviously Alec looked like a god outside of sex but those qualities just multiplied when in bed.  
  
Alec looked just as blissed out as Magnus felt, lying next to him on the bed. Magnus wasn't sure when two orgasms had turned into three but after they had came together for a third time they had been incapable of doing anything besides fall back onto the bed and get their breath back.  
  
"So... that was incredible." Alec murmured turning his head to gaze at Magnus.  
  
"Yeah. Incredible definitely sums it up, darling. But please tell me you're not preparing for round 4 because I genuinely think my dick will fall off."  
Alec chuckled.  
  
"I think you need to pay more attention in biology. But no, I'm also pretty spent, although looking at your naked body, it probably wouldn't take long for me to get it up."  
Magnus almost blushed at that comment and that was really something because he _never_ blushed.  
  
"Likewise, handsome."  
They settled into silence and Magnus was just wondering how long they had been up in this room for and how long they should stay when Alec broke the silence.  
  
"Oh."  
Magnus glanced at him and it became clear that he didn't mean to say that out loud. He also looked paler than usual and seemed to be shaking...?  
  
"Um, god- I need to find my sister- I'm sorry- I should go, I just need to-"  
  
Alec looked positively ill now and he scrambled off the bed looking for his clothes. The fact that Magnus didn't even admire his naked profile showed how internally worried he was about this sudden change.  
  
"Alexander. Are you okay?"  
Alec looked at him -his t-shirt on and his jeans halfway up his legs- and there was regret, panic and something else swirling around in his eyes.  
  
"I will be. I- Sorry Magnus. I have to go-"  
And with that he pulled the jeans up, and half ran out the door.  
  
Magnus felt like his head would explode with the pressure of all the contrasting thoughts going through his mind.  
  
He slumped back on the pillows and sighed dramatically.  
_And I thought I was a drama queen._ He thought bitterly.  
  
As he started to close his eyes, he noticed Alec's hoodie lying on the floor in a heap.  
After an inner debate of whether he could be bothered enough to get out of bed and get it, he conceded and padded over to pick it up.  
  
Wow, Alec really didn't care about his clothes. The hoodie was torn on one shoulder and the material was softer from being worn so much. But it smelt just like Alexander. Like lemon and cologne and the outside.  
A feeling of complete sadness washed over Magnus and he just felt used. Alec had seemed so kind but in the end he had only stayed for Magnus to get him off. Multiple times. And Magnus had fell for it.  
Magnus put the hoodie on the bed and started pulling clothes onto his body not even caring how ridiculous he looked, with his makeup all smudged. He didn't want to look at his hair. Not after Alec had ran his hands through it and pulled it eagerly while his dick was down Magnus' throat.  
  
_Stop thinking about it!_  
He debated leaving Alec's hoodie on the bed so that he wouldn't have to face him but he didn't want to be petty about the whole situation so he slung it over his shoulder and walked out the door. 

After asking around 8 people if they knew where Alec Lightwood was, Magnus had to admit defeat. Alec had left. He had gotten what he came here for. So there was no reason for him to stay any longer.  
  
Magnus felt sick. He had let himself be manipulated and he had actually thought that Alec might have been different.  
Well that was fine. Magnus needed to stop getting his hopes up for every single person who so much as looked at him.  
  
He was better off without someone like Alec anyway. Clearly he had more negativity in his life than Magnus wanted. No more pining after Alec. It would be a good decision in the long run.  
  
So why did Magnus feel so sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's that...  
> Sorry for making Alec look like a dick, I promise he isn't but I hope everyone is intrigued as to what he is hiding... it's probably going to be a shock.  
> Next chapter: Magnus and his mom have a chat and Magnus' talents are revealed. And Alec and Magnus have more than one awkward confrontation.  
> I have absolutely no idea when the next chapter will be up though because I do have a lot to do right now. I'm gonna aim for the next two weeks but who knows really :/ anyway thanks for reading and pls leave feedback if you have any :)  
> Ps I'm on tumblr Malec-go-to-hogwarts if anyone wants to chat :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus rediscovers his talents, opens up to his mom and realises that Alec may be a lot more complicated than he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooo, sorry for the slightly longer wait, I have been stressed to the max with exams and shiz. 
> 
> So I'm gonna try not to do a gigantic note this time but basically, Magnus' musical talents are described in this so just in case anyone doesn't recognise it, the song he sings is Alive by Sia and if anyone is interested there is an amazing acoustic cover of it by Pinto and Coletti Music on YouTube. It is basically how I imagine Magnus' voice to be so if anyone cares :)  
> Also I have a playlist on Spotify that I listen to while writing this and basically all the songs relate to this fic and also give a couple of hints as to what is gonna go down lol so if anyone's interested in that here is a link: https://open.spotify.com/user/1157076977/playlist/5igwGINZWUR9D9Dmky6IPr  
> Also have to mention, in this chap, Magnus and his mom speak a couple of words of Indonesian, I would like to disclaim this straight away and say I do not know Indonesian, I found translations so if they aren't accurate I'm really sorry:  
> Anakku = my son  
> Ibu = mother  
> Okay that's it ;) enjoy the chapter my loves and thank you for all the positive feedback so far.  
> Ps, I don't play the guitar so if anything I've written sounds strange then pls ignore it, I am a loyal pianist and singer lol so wait till we get to Magnus at the piano.

The guitar felt cool in Magnus' hands as he picked it up. Dust glittered on its surface serving as a reminder of how long it had been since Magnus had even picked it up let alone played it.  
He actually always preferred piano to guitar but the piano lives in the main room downstairs where his mom does practically everything so playing it would hardly be inconspicuous. 

It's not that he's trying to hide the fact that he's interested in music again but that he's wary of the questions that would be raised if she were to see him actively playing guitar, piano or _singing_.

He doesn't know what changed overnight but this morning after he had checked what homework he had and started his routine of procrastination - involving staring at paper and willing the pen to start writing essays on Macbeth themselves - he felt the spark.  
He could feel it thrumming under his skin, urging him to stop fidgeting, stop staring into space and stop pretending that he wasn't thinking about Alexander. It was like the music he used to play had suddenly come tinkling back into his mind. It had been like a consistent beat against his head but not like a headache. Like a reminder. Of what he could be doing instead of feeling sorry for himself.

Maybe it was because of what Magnus was now calling in his head the "Alec situation". Honestly, Magnus knew it was to do with Alec.  
It hadn't just been a hookup for him. He had actually felt a connection to him. They didn't know each other yet at all but it had felt to Magnus like he was remembering him. Like he had known Alec before.  
_Alec's literally driven me insane._ Magnus thought briefly.  
It _did_ sound insane. But it made sense in Magnus' head. And he knew, deep down, that Alec had felt the same connection. It had just been easy to be around each other.  
But it was stupid that Magnus had such a crush on Alec after 5 days of knowing he even existed. 

It was just a crush though. Even though Magnus had been slightly disappointed by Alec's quick departure -especially after he had reluctantly but honestly explained his problem with relationships to Magnus - he had found Tessa and they had spent a good evening getting slightly drunk and making fun of Will, Jem, Ragnor and Raphael.  
And he would get over the whole situation. But the idea of having to see Alec 4 days a week in maths class was not a pleasant one.  
Magnus refocused his attention to his guitar.  
He held it loosely and strummed once, seeing more dust lift into the air with the movement.  
_I should at least have dusted this in the past three years._ He mused. 

Three years.

Dark thoughts started to trickle into Magnus' mind against his will and he shook himself. There was no use in letting long suppressed memories surface when nothing good would come out of it in the end. 

Magnus strummed the guitar and found himself playing random chords that he could remember hearing on the radio recently.  
He cast his mind back trying to hear in his head which song was on his mind. 

_I was born in a thunderstorm_  
_I grew up over night_  
_I played alone_  
_I played on my own_  
_I survived._

The song took off as Magnus' natural talents kicked in and he improvised his way through the whole of the first verse and chorus.

As he got further into the song he remembered the way it used to feel to sing and play. It felt like flying.  
_God what a cliche._

But it did. He felt like his physical body stayed firmly on the ground while his heart and soul went wherever the hell he felt like going.  
The actual song progresses to a softer sound and then takes off again into a beat filled chorus full of impressive vocals. And Magnus hit the notes. Even if it was an acoustic version that he was making up as he went along. It surprised himself seeing as it had been a _long _time since he had done anything more than humming and casual singing along to a song on a car ride.__

____

_I'm still breathing_ _I'm alive_  
_I'm alive_  
_I'm alive_  
_I'm alive_

__He strummed for a couple more bars and finally came to an end. It was then that he realised that the damp feeling of his face wasn't his makeup sliding off, it was actually from his tears which must have started to fall from the emotion of the song. Or maybe it was because he had just sang properly for the first time since his fathers death._ _

__Yeah one of those options was more likely._ _

A quiet cough resounded behind him and he hastily scrubbed a hand over his face (his makeup be damned) before turning to face his mother with an eyebrow raised. 

Her expression of concern and pride told him straight away that she had heard the whole song and also knew he had been crying. 

__" _Anakku._ That was beautiful. I haven't heard you sing for years. What's going on?" _ _

__"Nothing has to be _going_ on for me to sing, Ibu." Magnus tried but one glance at her eyes told him it would be no use lying._ _

__"I just felt inspired suddenly."_ _

__His mother smiled suddenly, a mischievous look in her eyes._ _

__"Is it because of a boy?"_ _

__Magnus started at the quick deduction and he narrowed his eyes.  
"How did you know it was a boy and not a girl?" _ _

__"I'm your mother, Magnus. I know everything." She laughed at the suspicious look on his face and carried on, "I know that women don't cause people to rediscover old hobbies, they get them to create new ones. Men on the other hand encourage us to rediscover old passions as a way of remembering the past. Women look to the future while men appreciate the past and present more. Of course that's all highly stereotypical but quite accurate in my experience."_ _

__Magnus smiled softly and reached out to touch his mothers arm.  
"How did you become so wise, Ibu?" _ _

__"Magnus I love you but don't try and change the subject by complimenting me. Now tell me about this boy. He's clearly made an impression."_ _

__Her eyes sparkled as she looked at him and Magnus felt a sudden urge to tell her everything. _Well maybe not everything._ Magnus thought wryly. _ _

__"His name is Alexander. He's...,' Magnus struggled for a moment to find the words to describe Alec, "He's complicated. But mostly he's intelligent and funny."_ _

__"That's good. What does he look like?"_ _

___Sex on legs._ Magnus almost laughed at his immediate unfiltered thought. _ _

__"Well he could be a model. He's taller than me, Ibu. And he's got black hair and beautiful hazel eyes which are my absolute weakness-" Magnus could have rambled on for a while about how beautiful Alec was but the amused look on his mothers face stopped him before he got carried away._ _

__"But I don't even know him that well so it doesn't matter." He finished lamely trying to look unbothered._ _

__"He sounds very special." His mom had a knowing look in her eyes that told Magnus that she could see right through his facade._ _

__He sighed and looked at her properly.  
"I think he is. But he doesn't really do relationships." _ _

__At that, Ibu laughed and upon seeing Magnus' bemused expression, said "If anyone can change that, its you. You're nothing if not determined."_ _

__Magnus laughed too, it was true after all._ _

__"Seriously though, Anakku, if you believe this boy is special then don't give up. You'll only regret it if you do."_ _

__"I know. You're right, as always. I love you. But I am meant to be doing homework right now."_ _

__His mother looked stern for a moment before she smiled softly._ _

__"I want you to do well at school Magnus but music makes you happier than anything. So find a balance. And start using that piano again or I'm going to sell it."_ _

__She winked at him and walked out his room leaving Magnus to his own thoughts.  
She was right. Music did make him happy. And she was right about Alec aswell. But the whole party situation was not his fault. So he would let Alec come to him and explain first. He just had to resist the temptation to speak to him. _ _

__∞_ _

__Monday passed by uneventfully aside from a sly Camille smirking at Magnus knowingly in the cafeteria.  
Of course the reason there was no confrontation between Alec and himself was because Magnus didn't have maths until Tuesday. It would mark one week of him meeting Alec. But he was still set on not talking to him unless Alec initiated the conversation. And hopefully with an apology as well.  
He tried to breeze into the maths classroom as naturally as possible but he still felt a prickle of nerves at the thought of seeing Alec for the first time since Saturday. Because even though he told himself he hadn't, his eyes had scanned the halls on Monday and today for that recognisable unruly black hair towering above everyone else. And he hadn't seen him once. Not even in passing. 

__Magnus busied himself with getting his book out and organising his pen, pencil and ruler in height order, all the while forcing himself to not glance at the door to see if Alec was entering.  
He was so preoccupied with this inner battle that when Alexander himself dropped his Ted Baker rucksack onto the desk and slid into the seat, he almost jumped in surprise. _ _

__"Hey, Magnus."  
Alec was rummaging in his bag so had his head turned away from Magnus but his tone sounded normal and there was no indication of him feeling awkward or apologetic at all.  
Magnus decided to go along with it and wait to see if Alec would bring Saturday up. 

__"Hello, Alec." Magnus genuinely didn't mean to make his tone sound as frosty as it did but maybe he had underestimated how bothered he was by Alec's casual tone._ _

__Evidently Alec caught the annoyance in his simple greeting too because he shoved his bag onto the floor and turned to face Magnus finally.  
And for the first time since Magnus had laid eyes on Alec, he cursed the way he looked. Because one look at those eyes was almost enough to make Magnus' resolve to wait for Alec to apologise crumble.  
But he willed himself to focus. He wanted Alec to realise that he had treated Magnus badly. 

__"Magnus, are you okay?" Alec said, biting his lip in a way that did not distract Magnus at all. Not even a little._ _

__"I feel like I should be asking you that question, Alexander. You know, seeing as you were the one who left on Saturday looking like you were about to pass out."_ _

__Alec at least had the decency to look guilty._ _

__"Yeah about that Magnus, I just had a lot going on, I wouldn't have just left like that otherwise."_ _

__"Um. Okay. So is that it?"_ _

__Alec's eyebrows furrowed momentarily.  
"What else do you want me to say?" He questioned and Magnus almost scoffed at his obliviousness. _ _

__"Maybe 'I'm sorry Magnus for making you feel like shit on Saturday and then not letting you know I was okay.' That would be a good start." Magnus rolled his eyes as Alec's eyes widened._ _

__"You wanted to know if I was okay?"_ _

__And that right there was one of the things that Magnus had not expected. Alec's eyes were still wide, with confusion and disbelief imprinted in the dark depths.  
_He really can't believe that I might care about his well-being._  
Magnus shouldn't find it endearing but he did. 

At that moment Miss Loss entered the room and started motioning for silence so Magnus lowered his voice to a hiss and leaned closer to Alec - which was a mistake because he could instantly smell Alec's cologne which he had become fond of recently. 

"Of course I did, Alec! You left Camille's looking half dead and barely able to say a word. That would be mildly concerning to anyone." 

"Well I'm sorry that you were worried. I'm fine." Alec's jaw clenched slightly as he said that and Magnus felt as if he was being lied to. 

"What was wrong with you?" He ventured. 

"Nothing." 

Magnus laughed humourlessly.  
"You must think I'm stupid. Clearly it was not nothing." 

__"Magnus, leave it."_ _

__"Alexander. If something is going on I-"_ _

__"Maybe I just didn't want to deal with you being all obsessed with me so I decided to get out while I could!"_ _

__Magnus felt ice cold humiliation freeze his body. Anger started to burn through his veins as a result._ _

__"That's funny. You didn't seem to mind when I had my dick in your mouth."_ _

__In the heat of the moment Magnus' voice went way over the appropriate volume for a classroom conversation and as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he realised that every single person in the room -including Miss Loss herself - had heard him and was now looking at him and Alec with varying expressions.  
God knows how long they'd been listening in the first place. _ _

__There was utter silence for all of 5 seconds and then whispers started rising, some people were snickering. Jace was staring at Alec and from his face it looked like he knew what had happened between them - at least in more detail than what Magnus had just revealed to the class._ _

__Magnus was vaguely happy to see that Alec did not look ashamed in the slightest about their now public albeit brief rendezvous. Flustered and maybe apologetic were the emotions that Magnus could read from his face. There was something else there, something closed off._ _

__"Boys,' Miss Loss frowned sternly at the rest of the class until the chattering hushed, "I would appreciate it if you kept those conversations outside of the classroom."_ _

__"Maybe try the bedroom." Jordan Kyle called, causing several chuckles.  
Magnus could have sworn he saw a smile playing at Miss Loss' mouth as she turned back to the board. _ _

__Both Magnus and Alec stayed silent after that, Magnus still feeling infuriated by Alec's prior comment and he imagined Alec didn't want to risk being overheard now by the rest of the class.  
He did seem uncomfortable with himself though and Magnus' intuition was telling him Alexander had immediately regretted his words but the embarrassment was enough to shut that part of his mind up and focus on how annoyed he was. _ _

__He resolutely focused on the work that Miss Loss set and he surprised himself by working through most of it and not thinking too much about Alec's presence next to him._ _

__Alec on the other hand seemed very distracted. He was shifting in his chair constantly and when he actually picked his pen up he chewed it more than he wrote with it._ _

__Magnus felt a surge of angry satisfaction that Alec was feeling _that_ guilty over his outburst at Magnus. _ _

__Quicker than expected, the bell rang shrilly and Magnus gathered his things and rose gracefully. He couldn't help but chance a glance at Alec before he left and perhaps that was what Alec was waiting for because he took a step towards Magnus and looked directly into his eyes.  
_Bad idea._ _ _

__"Magnus, can you just-"_ _

__"Leave it, Alec. I'm sorry that I showed an interest in you. And I'm sorry that you saw that as me being obsessed with you. Now just leave me alone."_ _

__Magnus turned on his heel and left the classroom, willing the angry tears that were threatening to fall back into his eyes.  
They fell anyway. _ _

__∞_ _

__Magnus almost ditched yoga club because he felt so out of sorts but ultimately he couldn't abandon Tessa when she hadn't even wanted to join the club in the first place.  
So he trekked to the locker rooms. _ _

__The locker rooms were a cause of much debate in the school. They were open for all genders so that no one felt uncomfortable but there also had to be a teacher present so that no "funny business" could happen._ _

__This meant that Mrs Penhallow was standing over him as Magnus pulled his yoga pants and t-shirt on and started stretching, waiting for Tessa and forcing himself not to dwell on Alec's words._ _

__As soon as Tessa arrived, Magnus felt an urge to rant about how bad he felt so after she told him about Raphael's unfortunate Chemistry incident, he was ready to bring it up._ _

__"I am probably feeling worse than Raph. I had the lesson from hell with Alexander."_ _

__Tessa frowned.  
"You spoke to him?"_ _

__"He spoke first, don't worry. I asked him what was wrong with him on Saturday and he got all defensive and told me I was obsessed with him. Obsessed!"_ _

__"That's an asshole move. It's strange though, that he wouldn't tell you what was wrong."_ _

__"I don't even care about that anymore, I'm just _so_ annoyed at him. How dare he tell me I'm obsessed with him?" _ _

__At that moment the locker room door opened and a group of boys crowded in probably for a "jock" club of some sort. Magnus didn't spare them a second glance._ _

__"Magnus I think you should just try and get over this whole thing. It's clear that Alec isn't in a good place right now and he doesn't seem to be ready for a relationship."_ _

__"You're probably right," Magnus sighed, ignoring Tessa's sudden alarmed expression, "I just wish I'd never got involved with Alexander. He's more trouble than he's worth."_ _

__For some reason Tessa audibly gasped at that and Magnus was beginning to get a sinking feeling as if someone was standing behind him.  
He almost didn't want to turn around. _ _

___Of course it was Alexander._  
Standing there in basketball shorts, with his hair all ruffled from changing. But his expression was what stood out to Magnus.  
Pain and hurt was clear in his eyes and he almost looked small even though he was an above average 6'3". 

__"You know, Magnus, I went running around trying to find you after maths because I felt so bad for what I said. And I am sorry. But it doesn't really matter does it? Because I'm more trouble than I'm worth. So maybe we should just ignore each other. It seems like we can't say anything without hurting the other."_ _

__And he stormed out the room, ignoring Jace who rushed over to talk to him._ _

__Magnus was aware of everyone staring at him for the second time that day. Mrs Penhallow had looked up from her marking to shake her head amusedly._ _

__He wanted to scream. Why wasn't anything going right? Clearly him and Alec were not as compatible as he'd originally hoped._ _

___Alec was right. They should just ignore each other from now on._  
But Magnus had a gut instinct that ignoring Alec would be harder than he thought.  
And his instincts were always right. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone enjoyed this chapter, sorry for the slight angst it won't last forever I promise.  
> Also I'm really interested in anyone's thoughts on what is wrong with Alec because if anyone gets it right I will be soooo happy :) so leave any theories in the comments if you want :D  
> Twitter: hogwartsmalec  
> Tumblr: Malec-go-to-hogwarts  
> Ask me any questions about the fic on tumblr :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus does something that he should have done a long time ago. And Magnus and Alec meet in an unexpected place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii :)  
> I suck at summaries lol  
> I'm really sorry about how long this has taken, I had exams, two auditions and then I was in France for a week volunteering so I had no time to dedicate completely to writing. Therefore this chapter has been written in sections so I apologise if it seems a bit separate at times.  
> Hopefully the next chapters will be up sooner now because I've finished school and I have absolutely nothing to do lmao. So I think that's everything, remember to comment your thoughts, I love compliments and criticisms :) 
> 
> Also be sure to follow me on tumblr because I post snippets of the upcoming chapters on there, I'm [malec-go-to-hogwarts](http://malec-go-to-hogwarts.tumblr.com/)

The week dragged by. It was one of those instances where Magnus felt that the universe wanted to test him. Alec was _everywhere_.  
They saw each other in maths of course and had studiously ignored each other much to the amusement of all of their classmates. 

Their brief relationship (if it could even be called that) spread round the school like a common cold. Magnus found it tedious after a while to walk down the corridor and hear whispers of conversations involving himself and Alexander. 

This was not his biggest problem though. Alec was in the hallway every time Magnus was. He was leaving the restrooms when Magnus was entering. He was behind Magnus in the queue for lunch in the cafeteria.  
And worse of all, he looked amazing every day. 

Magnus was beginning to think that by telling himself to forget about Alec he had simultaneously made that task impossible.  
Because we all want what we can't have. 

By the time Friday rolled around Magnus was ready to give up school and become a busker. If only to escape the ever present unreadable stare of Alexander Lightwood. 

Luckily maths was first thing in the morning so Magnus could get it out the way and promptly avoid Alec for the rest of the day. If the universe would allow it for once. 

Surprisingly Alec was already in maths when Magnus arrived; normally he would wander in two minutes before class started. 

Magnus averted his eyes as soon as Alec glanced up and he quickly sat down and got his book out. 

The lesson, of course, felt longer than one hour. They were about halfway through the first task and Magnus couldn't concentrate on anything other than Alec's steady breathing and his permanently appealing scent. 

"Um." 

Magnus glanced at Alec, presuming he was asking a question or talking to someone else in the class. 

"You've mixed up the equations for number 10."  
Alec grinned at Magnus. It was probably a friendly smile but it looked condescending in Magnus' opinion.  
He saw red. 

He dragged his pen across the offending question so hard that it tore through his paper. 

"Thanks for your unwanted help, Alexander. Who's obsessed now?" He said scathingly. Inside he knew he was being unreasonable but he couldn't find the will to stop now that he'd started. 

"Magnus, I was just trying to help." 

"Well I didn't need your help. You're not the only clever person in this room. And why were you looking over at my work in the first place?" 

"I wasn't looking at the work." 

Now that threw Magnus for a moment. That meant Alec had been looking at Magnus. Maybe Magnus wasn't the only one who still felt undeniable attraction. 

"Well whatever you were doing, stop. I've had it with your mind games." 

"Magnus, I just-" 

"Right, guys, we're moving on to the reversed equation now." 

Magnus didn't know whether to feel relieved or disappointed that Miss Loss had interrupted Alec. 

But the interruption worked. Alec didn't try to talk to Magnus again although he did look upset for the rest of the lesson. And Magnus tried not to feel sorry for him. It almost worked. 

The lesson ended normally and Magnus resigned himself to a slow day of pointless academic work. But at least he wouldn't be tempted by the sight of Alexander once the weekend started. 

* * *

* * *

Magnus sighed dramatically and rolled over on his bed.  
Distractions were flying at him in every form.  
First he'd stopped writing his history essay so that he could reorganise his nail polish collection. In alphabetical order based on their brand. And colour. 

Then he'd decided to make himself a sandwich but the first one looked poisonous so he remade it until the presentation was up to scratch.  
And now he was lying in bed looking at the ceiling and feeling time go by. It felt a little more than procrastination this time though.  
Magnus almost felt like he needed to go somewhere. That all these distractions was his mind telling him that he should not do work but do something for himself. 

He huffed another sigh out just to dramatise the situation further and sat up abruptly. 

"Ibu. I'm going out." He called as he left his room and hopped down the stairs. 

"Are you taking the car?" 

"Yeah. Is that okay?" 

"Where are you going?" 

Magnus rolled his eyes. He should have seen that coming. As soon as his mother knows he is taking the car somewhere she also knows he's going somewhere further than 3 miles. Otherwise Magnus walks and enjoys the exercise.  
And unfortunately she knows that all of his friends live within walking distance. 

He clearly stayed silent a second too long because he hears her footsteps on the stairs and her suspicious face appears in the doorway to the living room. 

"Well. Where are you going?" 

Magnus pondered for a moment. Did he even know himself where he was going?  
Deep down though he knew where he had to go. 

"I'm going to the cemetery." He said resolutely, not looking at his mother. 

"Oh Magnus." 

He reluctantly glanced up to see his mom's face etched with sympathy and understanding.

"Take as long as you need." She said softly and dropped the car keys into his hand. 

He nodded, unable to say anything because of the sudden lump in his throat. 

_It's time to do this. It's time to visit dad's grave._

* * *

* * *

The drive was cathartic in a strange way. It was utterly silent in the car and Magnus hadn't even put any music on because he didn't feel like it was right.  
But it was a peaceful silence and it didn't feel uncomfortable. Magnus felt like he was finally doing something which he should have done months ago. 

The drive was around 25 minutes but it seemed like nothing to Magnus and soon the cemetery loomed before him in an intimidating fashion. 

_C'mon. I can do this._

He took a deep breath and stepped out into the brisk air of November.

The gates creaked as he opened them and he was surprised to see that it was relatively quiet, other than a couple of families dotted around graves. 

It was at that moment that Magnus realised he had no idea where his fathers grave was. 

The fact that he had died three years ago meant that his grave was not going to be one of the newest ones near the front of the cemetery. 

It took Magnus 15 minutes to find the grave and the whole time he was aware that he looked like a complete idiot, wandering through the cemetery peering at other people's gravestones.

But there it was.

_Abraham Bane_  
_1971 - 2014_  
_All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream._

Magnus' breath caught in his throat as he stared down at the grave of the only person he would willingly call his father.  
The person who had taught him that blood does not equal family. Love does. 

Magnus knelt in the grass - which was a sign of his affection for his late father, because his outfit was not destined for grass stains - and gazed at the grave.  
It seemed surreal in a way.  
Magnus could still remember the way Abraham would ruffle his hair before he left for school and how he would hold his own against Magnus when he argued a point (generally about why he needed to have a new item of clothing).  
And how he would play the guitar and piano with Magnus. From the moment Magnus was able to speak, he sang. And when Abraham joined the family his love for music just increased. That's why music felt so necessary but painful for Magnus now. 

Magnus glanced around the cemetery and realised with a jolt that it was now empty. 

_Ominous much?_

He took a deep breath to compose himself.

"So. I'm here. Talking to a gravestone. Yeah. I might not believe in god or heaven but I do know you can hear me. I'm- I don't know why I haven't come before." 

Magnus looked down briefly to will back the tears threatening to roll down his face.

"When you died, I lost it. And eventually I got back to normal but when I did I had developed some sort of block against feeling anything. I stopped singing and playing piano. I even started studying. I know you'd love that." Magnus held back a laugh, remembering how Abraham would tell him he ought to be studying while simultaneously sitting at the piano with him helping him practise a new song. 

"I guess I tried to pretend I was okay. I was in some ways but a part of me still misses you every day. I don't think that will ever stop."

A sudden cracking noise in the grass behind Magnus made him start and he turned around quickly. 

_No way._

There, in a ragged grey t-shirt, washed out ripped blue jeans and black Gucci trainers was Alexander. He was stood at a white marble gravestone, holding yellow roses and he seemed uncomfortable and saddened. 

Magnus looked away so quickly that he felt a muscle in his neck stretch painfully.  
Silently he hoped that Alec was too preoccupied to notice him kneeling down. 

_How am I going to get out of here without him seeing me?_

Why could he not just have one day without either thinking about Alec or seeing Alec?  
It didn't help that Magnus had just cried and his jeans had grass stains all over them. He looked a mess, while Alexander still looked beautiful, even if his fashion sense was plain to say the least. 

"Magnus?" 

Magnus looked up from the ground to see Alec towering above him, with an extremely puzzled and slightly defensive expression on his face. 

"What are you doing here?" Alec questioned not unkindly but still inquisitive. 

Magnus couldn't help but wonder if Alec was one of those academically intelligent people who lacked common sense. 

"I'm hoping to find out if grass actually stains as easily as it looks like it does." He said but the tense atmosphere is enough to make the joke fall flat.  
And suddenly Magnus remembered that he hadn't exactly been nice to Alec for the past few days. He felt a twinge of guilt and decided to just act normally with him. Like friends would. 

"Um. This is my fathers- well my stepfathers grave." 

"Oh."

At this point Magnus was pretty sure the mood couldn't get any more awkward and weird.  
And then Alexander surprised him even more.

He sat down on the grass next to Magnus and looked intently at the gravestone.

"Abraham Bane. You took your stepfathers name?" 

Magnus snorted at that. 

"Well I would rather walk through fire than take my real fathers name. Abe _was_ my real father in every way that mattered." 

Alec was clearly intrigued by this; he leaned forward but didn't say anything to Magnus, a sign that he wanted to hear more. 

And strangely enough Magnus felt like telling him. 

"My real father was not in the picture for very long. He and my mother weren't even together when I was born and by the time I was 3 he didn't want to see me dressing up in heels or talking about glitter anymore. So my mom told him that if he couldn't accept me, then he could stay out of my life. And he did." 

Alec exhaled sharply at that and his hand moved towards Magnus but stopped halfway there. 

"I'm over it.' Magnus quirked a smile to support his statement, "My mom met Abe when I was 5 and at first I held back. I knew that being too flamboyant was sometimes not encouraged by people. But after a couple of months, Abe took me aside and he told me that I could dress up in front of him and be myself around him. And after that I loved him more than I had ever loved my real father. Because he accepted me." 

Magnus glanced at Alec to see his reaction and he wasn't disappointed. It wasn't the wide smile that lit up his face but it was as good. It was gentle and it made the emotion in his eyes more prominent. Today they were more green than brown and it made them look brighter. And there was no pity in them, which was what people usually felt. There was only understanding and care. 

It made Magnus' heart thump slightly faster. 

"So do you come to visit the grave often?" Alec asked softly. 

And Magnus suddenly felt plagued with guilt. 

"Well. No...This is actually the first time I've ever visited his grave in three years."

Alec looked shocked at that, his eyes wide and unblinking. 

Magnus sighed. 

"I know. I'm an awful son. I haven't been able to face it until now." 

"Magnus, that does not make you an awful son in any way. In fact it actually shows how much you loved him." 

"When he died, I went a bit crazy. I started sleeping with anyone I found and I partied all week. I'm lucky I didn't die with the amount of drugs I took." 

Alec reached over to where Magnus was knelt and hesitantly joined their hands together. Magnus immediately felt the tension seep from his shoulders. Alec wasn't judging him. He supported him. 

He could tell Alec the truth. Was it too soon? Probably. But Magnus felt this compulsion to tell Alec what had happened two and a half years ago.

"Two years ago I did something really bad, Alec. And only Tessa knows. I know we barely know each other but I want to tell you." 

"You can trust me, Magnus." 

That wasn't that strange a sentence. It was Alexander reassuring Magnus and encouraging him to open up. But it _was_ strange that Magnus believed him. Even after everything that had happened this week, all the ignoring, the little arguments and awkward moments didn't matter. Magnus could trust Alec. 

"I was drunk. I don't even remember what I drank that's how bad I was. Tessa had sworn to look after me no matter how bad it got so she came with me as I wandered through the streets. We ended up walking to the school building. I was only a sophomore at this point but I was failing every class and my mom had been told that I was struggling with everything. But I didn't care. I felt so numb, alcohol was one of the only things that made me feel like I was still here. But that was the only good thing about it." 

Magnus tightened his hold on Alec's hand and laced their fingers together. 

"So I was at the school with Tessa and I was out of it, just rambling about god knows what to her and then I went really quiet and I walked over to the shed separate to the school, where they keep emergency supplies for students with cars. And..." 

Magnus' throat closed up suddenly. 

_C'mon, I can't stop now._

"And. The door was unlocked so I took the petrol and poured it around the school and over the building itself. I don't know what I was thinking- I just wanted to feel something ,anything. And I already had a lighter in my pocket - because I used to smoke back then - so I got it out and I was about to throw it at the school when Tessa knocked me out. I don't know what she used but everything went black and when I woke up a minute later I was in a car with Will and Jem and Tessa told me they were going to help me. And I just broke down in the car because I couldn't believe I had almost set my school on fire- and I felt like... a monster." 

Magnus realised he was shaking and crying and he inwardly cursed himself for not holding it together. 

And then Alec got up, still holding their hands together and he pulled Magnus into a hug. His arms wrapped around him and held him and in that moment everything was okay. Alec, who had spoken to Magnus for the first time two weeks ago, didn't tell Magnus he was irresponsible and he didn't silently judge him and make an excuse to leave. He supported him instead. Alexander was a really nice guy. 

Eventually Alec must have realised that Magnus was no longer crying and he let go of him and looked around a little awkwardly. 

_How endearing._

"Not that I mind Alexander but were you here for me to cry in your arms or was that just a bonus?" Magnus sniffed rather pathetically and ruined the suave sentence but Alec didn't seem to care. 

In fact he looked suddenly quite pale and he couldn't seem to find any words. 

_Not again._ Magnus thought dejectedly. 

"Um. I just-" Alec sighed and ran his fingers through his hair and rested them on the nape of his neck. Magnus realised it was possibly a habit of his. 

"Two months ago, my boyfriend died in a car crash on the way to see me. His name was Chase. I wasn't out at the time so we could only meet at night. He- he died because of me. Because I wouldn't see him at a normal time so he was driving alone in the dark and he didn't see the other car. It was- it is my fault." 

Magnus had already thought that it would take a lot for Alec to cry and sure enough, tears glistened in his eyes but didn't fall. Magnus' heart went out to him. 

"I visit the grave every week and leave yellow roses because they are- no they were his favourite. We were only together for a month and a half but I liked him. Just not enough to do anything about it." 

"Alexander. It is not your fault." 

"It is. I -" 

"Did you force him into his car? No. He chose to drive that night. It's no ones fault. It could have happened to anyone." 

Alec looked at Magnus with bright eyes and his expression was so open that Magnus wanted to look away. 

"Thank you for telling me that, Alexander. You didn't have to." 

Alec grinned wryly and took a step closer to Magnus. 

"There's something about you, Magnus. All this week I felt awful about what happened at Camille's party. I can't stop thinking about you." 

And that rendered Magnus speechless for a moment. Because even though he hadn't stopped thinking about Alec, he hadn't for a second thought that Alec might be feeling the same. 

_Act cool._

"Well I do have that effect on people. I'm very memorable, in fact my mother once said that I-" 

Without warning Alec leaned in to Magnus and kissed him. It was soft and meaningful and Magnus willed himself not to get lost in the way Alec parted his lips with his own and dipped his tongue into Magnus' mouth gently. 

Magnus would have continued forever but ultimately the lack of oxygen forced them apart.  
And Magnus stared at Alec unabashedly. His lips were red and wet and his eyes were shining. 

They stared at each other long enough for it to feel awkward but it didn't. 

"Go out with me." 

Magnus blinked in confusion. 

"Did you say something?" 

Alec chuckled and Magnus felt a pang in his chest. 

"I said, go out with me." 

_Oh god. He did say it._

"But- I thought you didn't date." Magnus didn't know why he objected in any way but the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. 

Alec looked torn for a moment before he grabbed both of Magnus' hands. 

"I started sleeping around when I came out because I didn't want to risk someone getting hurt again. I do have secrets that I wouldn't want anyone to know but for some reason that doesn't matter to me when I think about you. I want to go on a date with you Magnus." 

_What do I say to that?_

Alec looked at Magnus expectantly with hope mirrored in his eyes and Magnus didn't know why he was trying to deny his feelings. 

"Okay." 

And the smile that spread across Alec's face then made the feeling of doubt in Magnus' stomach decrease ever so slightly. 

He knew he liked Alec. But he had a feeling that it would cause him a lot of pain and unhappiness. Because secrets and relationships are two things that don't go well with each other.  
But maybe it would all be worth it. 

_Who knows? Maybe we'll end up married._

Or maybe the date would go badly and it wouldn't matter anyway. 

"So..?" 

Magnus was interrupted from his gloomy daydreaming to see Alec looking at him questioningly. 

"You haven't heard a word of what I just said have you?" 

"Ah, you were speaking? I was in my own world for a second, sorry." 

Alec looked for a second like he was annoyed but then his expression turned amused and he smirked. 

"C'mon, its time we get out of this cemetery. It's not exactly romantic." He held out his hand to Magnus and Magnus didn't even hesitate before he took it. 

And he couldn't help the feeling of hope that spread across his chest as he walked out of the cemetery with his hand in Alec's. 

_Maybe I should stop worrying and just see what happens._


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus reflects, catches up with an old friend and finally goes on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii, I am soooo sorry about how long this update has taken, loads of stuff happened in my life (not bad) and I just couldn't prioritise writing. And then writers block happened but 218 destroyed me in the best way and inspired me to write again so yay.  
> Little note: while writing this chapter I subconsciously wrote Alec with hazel eyes maybe because of my undying love for matt daddario or something but anyway after that happened multiple times I had some time to spare and I actually went back through all the chapters and changed his blue eyes to hazel because I have become more used to matts and can't seem to write blue eyed Alec anymore. Because I thought of this fic last march I started with blue eyed Alec because the show had only just started but now I'm a show stan I want to write hazel eyed Alec. I'm sorry if that's annoying to anyone because of continuity and shit but at the end of the day I wasn't feeling the blue eyes anymore so I made a decision.
> 
> And that's about it, enjoy the chapter and pls comment if you enjoyed it or if you have any constructive criticism because comments fuel me :)

"Why has Magnus not stopped smiling for the past 4 hours?"

Magnus snapped out of his daydreaming to throw a glare towards Ragnor who merely rolled his eyes in response.

"He's been thinking about a tall, dark haired Lightwood. That's why." Tessa grinned innocently at Magnus when he turned to her, shocked that she would expose him.

"Dios, Magnus obsesses over someone new every week. It's no longer interesting." Raphael commented, looking bored as usual.

"Was it ever interesting?" Will asked, looking at their friends for support.

"Why am I friends with any of you?" Magnus asked dramatically, throwing his hands up.

"Maybe because we're the only ones who would put up with you at all?" Ragnor ducked as Magnus threw his empty water bottle at his head.

"See, no one else would take that abuse."

Magnus rolled his eyes and pretended to be offended but inside he still felt on top of the world. Despite his initial panic over actually agreeing to a date with Alec he had decided to forget about what could go wrong and focus on the date itself.

Obviously it was a big deal that Alec had asked seeing as it was known that he didn't really like relationships or have an interest in having one (although evidently only a few people knew the full reason why).

But Magnus wanted it to go well. Of course, he had been drawn in by Alec's looks but his personality was just as good. He was charming, intelligent and he could hold a conversation well. Magnus _wanted_ Alec to like him. And that meant the date had to go well.

"For your information, Raphael, not that you deserve to know but I am not merely obsessing over Alexander. I have a date with him." Magnus smiled triumphantly.

"I still don't care."

Will laughed loudly at Raphael's response and Magnus huffed in resignation.

"Fine. Thank you so much for your support. You're all the worst. And I'm leaving."

"Wait, Magnus.' Magnus reluctantly turned, only because it was Tessa who had spoken, "We are happy for you. Even if _they_ don't admit it."

Magnus' heart expanded a tiny bit as all of his friends nodded at him even Raphael.

"I know you are. But I actually have to go, you know I don't want to be late for maths."

And with his friends approval, Magnus didn't stop smiling all day.

* * *

* * *

The piano keys felt cold and wary under Magnus' tentative touch. Going back to the piano was like apologising to a friend after you randomly stopped speaking to them for three years. Strange to say the least.

But at the same time it still felt familiar. Piano was his favourite instrument for a reason and the mere thought of playing one of his favourite songs gave Magnus a warm feeling.

 _It's a little bit funny._  
_This feeling inside,_  
_I'm not one of those who can easily hide_

Magnus' fingers flew over the piano as the song picked up and all of the memories of playing came back to him in a rush of chords and sheet music.  
This was it.

Music was part of him. He should never have stopped. Magnus had been scared of playing because he thought it wouldn't make him happy without Abe. But in truth he had been scared that being happy without Abe was an insult to his memory.

But Abe wouldn't want him to give up music in any way. He would want Magnus to be happy. Magnus could almost picture him standing next to the piano and telling him he was an idiot for not playing for three years. He chuckled at the thought.

 _Don't have much money_  
_But boy if I did_  
_I'd buy a big house where we both could live_

Magnus was so woven into the music now that he didn't even need to think about what came next. His fingers flew across the ivory keys and as they did his thoughts turned (like they were constantly doing lately) to Alexander.

He was definitely something. Attractive yes, but also so smart and caring - that much could be seen in the way he had looked at Izzy at the party, with so much affection - and also mysterious.

He had mentioned his secrets and Magnus would be lying to himself if he said he wasn't intrigued by it. What kind of secret could a 17 year old be keeping?

If there was one thing that was going to hold Magnus back from potentially pursuing a relationship with Alec, it was being lied to.

 _And you can tell everybody_  
_This is your song_  
_It may be quite simple but now that it's done_

As Magnus started singing slightly louder he felt a weight lifted off his shoulders. It was relieving to be back at the piano; being able to play and just lose himself in the music was what he had missed most.

The sound of his phone ringing interrupted Magnus' thoughts rudely.

"This better be good, whoever you are." Magnus muttered to himself as he flitted across the room and picked up the offending object.

His bitter feelings vanished as he saw the caller ID flashing and he couldn't help but grin as he answered.

"Clary. I was starting to think you had forgotten about me."

Clary laughed slightly at that, the sound distorted through the phone.

"Who could forget you, Magnus?" She teased.

"I am pretty unforgettable. Now I haven't had any good gossip for weeks. Tell me _everything_."

Magnus met Clary when she was just 3 years old and he was 5. Clary's mother Jocelyn knew Magnus' mother somehow and when Jocelyn moved back to New York they rekindled their friendship and in turn started Magnus' and Clary's.  
They drifted apart slightly when Magnus pushed everyone away but over the past year Magnus made an effort to maintain the friendship. Clary could sometimes be a bit too much but she was also loyal and kind and she had a gossiping streak that made her interesting to talk to.

"So you're dating Jace Lightwood?" Magnus asked incredulously.

"Well... yeah. It's not that serious, we've been dating for four months or so."

"This is a strange coincidence, biscuit. I have a date with Alexander."

Magnus heard a small choking sound over the phone and felt slightly concerned that Clary was dying.

" _Alexander?_ As in Alec? Jace's brother?" Clary's shock was evident from her high pitched tone.

"Yes, yes and yes. Should I be offended that you sound so surprised?" Magnus questioned.

"What! No, of course not Magnus, I'm just surprised. Alec isn't really a relationship guy..."

"Yes, I know. He sleeps around, you don't have to tiptoe around the topic. But _he_ asked me so clearly he's changed his mind."

"You really are something, Magnus. Only you could get Alexander Lightwood to end his "sex only" rule and start dating again."

Magnus couldn't help but smile at that; it was quite nice to think that he made that much of an impression on Alec.

"You know me. I don't stop till I get what I want."

"I'm happy for you, Magnus. I hope it goes well. Just..." Clary hesitated.

"What? Do you know something I don't? You have to tell me, Biscuit!" Magnus leaned forward as if Clary was in the room and strained his ears in case she spoke quietly.

"Just be careful, okay. Alec's a great guy when he gets to know someone but he's secretive. He doesn't like to talk about his feelings and his personal problems. So be wary of that."

"I can do that. He's told me he has secrets and at the moment I can deal with them."

"As long as you're sure. I don't want to see you get hurt Magnus."

"Thank you. But I'll be fine. Everyone has secrets anyway. How bad can his be?"

"Yeah, yeah maybe. Listen I have to go, I have a ton of English work but I'll text you. Love you. Bye."

"Um, love you too. Oh wait Clary-" But the call went silent as Clary hung up.

That was _odd_. Magnus had the feeling Clary knew more about Alec than she let on.

 _Stop thinking about it_.

There was no use in dwelling over Alec's personal issues. It was nothing to do with Magnus right now.

Besides, the more pressing matter was talking to Alec and planning their date.  
And then planning an outfit.

* * *

* * *

Alec was leaning back in his chair chatting casually with Jace when Magnus walked into the maths classroom the next day.

As always Magnus was slightly taken aback with how attractive Alec was. He was wearing a denim blue shirt and black jeans and Magnus could see his staple leather jacket hanging on his chair. His hair, as usual, looked like it hadn't been brushed for a year but Magnus couldn't picture it any other way and didn't want to. And he was smiling. Not a light up the world smile or a soft, shy smile. Just a casual smile, as Jace rambled on about something. But it made Magnus' heart beat slightly faster, all the same.

_Control yourself. You've known him for all of two weeks._

Magnus dropped into his seat as gracefully as he could manage in skin tight jeans and bumped his shoulder against Alec in greeting.

"Magnus."

Magnus didn't know whether to feel self assured or exposed with the way Alec's eyes roved over his body appreciatively. But Alec decided for him when he looked back at his face.

"You look... uh, really good." He said with a low tone.

Magnus shivered slightly at his voice and gaze but smirked at Alec in response.

"Don't I always, Alexander?"

Alec rolled his eyes at that but the smile didn't leave his hazel eyes as he leaned slightly closer.

"So are you free on Saturday?" He asked casually.

"I might be." Magnus tried and failed to sound nonchalant.

"Meet me at Tony's Italian on Arlington Lane. At 7pm?"

Magnus couldn't help but laugh at how quickly Alec had gotten to the point.

"What?" Alec looked curious and slightly flustered at Magnus' amusement.

"You're so blunt, Alexander.' Magnus chuckled again and then caught sight of Alec's expression, "Its endearing, darling, don't worry."

Alec looked away - because of the compliment or the pet name, who knows - and Magnus was suddenly aware that they'd been talking again in the middle of the lesson. And he wasn't the only one to notice.

"Magnus, Alec as glad as I am that you seem civil to each other, please stop talking." Miss Loss said, although not in a reprimanding tone.  
Magnus was starting to notice that she seemed highly amused by the various gossip in the class and sometimes it seemed like she was listening to it.

The class started whispering and snickering at her comment.

"Yeah guys make up your mind. Do you hate each other or not?" Magnus couldn't identify who said this but it sounded like a comment a jock would make.

To his surprise, Alec laughed and turned around.

"I haven't decided yet, Bat. But thanks for your input."

The class laughed more at that and Magnus felt somewhat weird about how invested the class was in their business. But then Alec was popular because of his involvement in sports and because of his siblings and Magnus didn't think he was exactly unpopular.

"Alright that's enough. Save it for lunch, okay. Now back to Euler's Theorem..."

Magnus tried to listen, he really did but he was too aware of the fact that he hadn't confirmed that he would meet Alec on Saturday for their date. So as subtly as he could, he nudged Alec until he got the message and turned to face Magnus, his eyes questioning.

"I'll see you on Saturday. Wear your leather jacket for me." Magnus said under his breath.

Alec's eyes brightened and Magnus noticed -not for the first time- that it changed their colour from muted hazel to greener, more alive. His eyes were captivating.

_Stop staring._

But Alec didn't seem to mind. In fact, he seemed pretty lost too. He was staring at Magnus and his eyes had gotten a lot darker. Dark brown depths with a tinge of forest green scattered around the pupils.

If Magnus shivered under that gaze no one could blame him.

* * *

* * *

Magnus was _not_ stressed.

That would be an understatement. Every outfit didn't feel right. His electric blue jeans and black jewelled shirt was too much. But his red shirt was too similar to what he'd worn to Camille's party and he didn't want to look like he'd repeated an outfit.

Deep down he knew Alexander would not care in the slightest what he wore. But Magnus was unashamed to admit that he wanted to provoke a reaction like he had the past times Alec had seen him. He wanted Alec's eyes to darken as he gazed over him. So he kept looking.

Finally, he found his cobalt blue silk shirt with its black and gold halter neck and paired it with simple black skinny jeans. He threw glitter into his hair and rimmed his eyes with black glittery eyeliner. His black studded boots completed the look and he felt relatively satisfied with how it turned out.

Only then, did he check his phone and realise it was 7:20. And Tony's was a 10 minute drive away.

_SHIT._

He practically flew down the stairs and almost tripped over Chairman Meow who was curled on the bottom step, fast asleep.

"I'm going out, mom, don't wait up." He called while he shoved his wallet and keys into his jeans (no easy feat considering how tight they were).

"What? Magnus, where are-"

But Magnus couldn't risk his mom interrogating him so he darted out the front door and got into his car.

He felt bad already about ignoring his mother but he decided he'd send her a text as soon as he explained to Alec why he was so late. If Alec hadn't left already.

It was lucky that Magnus knew a back route that didn't involve main roads because he drove faster than he had in a long time. His main concern was that Alec would think he had stood him up. Magnus knew firsthand how humiliating it was and he wouldn't wish it upon anyone let alone Alexander.

Quicker than was probably legal, Magnus drove onto Arlington Lane and practically ran towards Tony's Italian.

He was almost too preoccupied to notice Alec, who was leaving the restaurant. He looked hurt and frustrated and Magnus cursed himself for being shallow and spending so long on his appearance.

"Alexander."

Alec looked up, surprise etched into his face.

"Magnus, I thought you'd stood me up." He shifted awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck.

"No, of course I didn't. I had a bit of a crisis. Well you're not going to consider it a crisis but for me, it was. I couldn't find anything to wear and I knew you probably wouldn't care but I just wanted to make a good impression and-" Magnus broke off at Alec's amused expression.

"You're 30 minutes late because you couldn't find anything to wear?" Alec seemed to be holding back laughter and Magnus didn't know whether to be relieved or offended.

"Well... yes?"

Alec finally laughed and Magnus felt a weight lift off his chest at the sound.

_If being late means hearing him laugh then I'll always be late._

"You're so...-" Alec was staring at Magnus with a indecipherable emotion on his face.

"I'm so..?"

"It doesn't matter." Alec shook his head as if to clear his thoughts and then grabbed Magnus' hand confidently.

"C'mon, because of _someones_ time management skills, I'll have to call in a favour to get back that table I just left."

Magnus felt a pang of guilt in his chest.

"I'm sorry Alexander, I-" He tried.

"Magnus.' Alec looked directly at Magnus and tonight his eyes were soft chocolate brown dotted with light green. Warm and forgiving, "It's fine. You look beautiful and you probably do no matter what you wear but I don't mind that you have an interest in clothes. My sisters the same."

Magnus' brain had short-circuited at "beautiful" because he couldn't believe he had found a guy who felt comfortable saying that word. In the past Magnus had been called a number of things relating to his looks, some of them not so nice but never "beautiful" and somehow it meant more coming from someone as honest as Alexander.

"Thank you, Alexander."

And as they walked towards Tony's hand in hand, Magnus hoped this was the start of something great. Because Alec was proving more and more that he was something special.

* * *

* * *

After Alec had a short conversation with a waitress called Lydia, they were led to a small table quite isolated in the busy restaurant.

Tony's was a popular place for teenagers and both Magnus and Alec had been multiple times so Magnus ordered his usual Penne Arrabbiata and Alec went for the Campagna Pizza.

The restaurant was loud and crowded but their table was somewhat separated so Magnus felt a slight pressure to start a conversation.

Alec was staring at him with a soft smile dancing around his mouth and the small chandelier over their table lit his face up and made his eyes look brighter.

"So..." Magnus attempted at the exact same moment that Alec opened his mouth to speak.

"You-" Alec groaned and scrubbed a hand over his face.

"We just did that cliche movie thing where we both speak at the same time. I didn't think it could even happen in real life."

Magnus rolled his eyes and laughed in agreement but was too curious about what Alec had been about to say.

"You first."

"I was just going to say you really do look great." Alec looked down but his eyes stayed on Magnus, making his lashes look longer and his cheekbones more prominent.

"You always look great, Magnus. Ever since you first walked into Miss Loss' classroom two weeks ago, I wondered how I'd never noticed you around school before."

Magnus grinned at their similar thoughts and leaned forward to join their hands together on the table.

"I've been thinking the exact same thing ever since I saw you, Alexander." He said softly.

And after that, conversation bloomed like a healthy flower. There was no lull or awkwardness because as soon as they spoke about one thing, one of them remembered another topic and brought that up.

Alec spoke in length about his family, how his relationship with Jace and Isabelle was great because they were all so similar in age and how it was nice that Max was younger because they were able to help him out and feel responsible. He spoke briefly about how his parents had been taken aback when he came out and his mother had to excuse herself but when she came back she had a soft smile on her face and Alec had known that everything was okay.

Magnus spoke about his mom mostly and how much he appreciated her. He mentioned Abe but only in passing because it was still early days and he didn't want to make Alec feel awkward. He also brought up Clary and pointed out that their worlds had actually collided with Jace and Clary before they met each other and Alec looked oddly stricken for a second until Magnus said that Clary had kept all the Lightwood gossip to herself.

Magnus felt the electric chemistry between them all night and he couldn't help feeling excited at the fact that they had a lot in common other than being physically attracted to each other.

"So what do you want to do in the future?" Alec asked as he took a sip of iced water (which Magnus had made fun of him for ordering).

"Music." Magnus answered without even thinking and he blinked slowly when he realised he had clearly figured out his dream career without even realising in the past two weeks.

"I mean, I stopped singing and playing piano and guitar when Abe died three years ago and I only recently started again. And I've been happier than ever. So if I can, I want to pursue that."

Alec smiled but Magnus noticed the intrigue written in his eyes.

"I'll sing for you, at some point, if you want?"

Magnus almost laughed at Alexanders eager nod and the way his smile transformed into a grin.

"What about you, Mr Maths genius?"

Alec flushed slightly and ducked his head.

"Well, I guess an academic career is the obvious choice. But I've always thought about being a journalist, maybe for sports."

Magnus nodded at that.

"Well I'm pretty sure you could do anything you wanted so the world is your oyster, Alexander."

At that point, their young waiter came over with two dessert menus.  
Magnus flicked through it while Alec seemed to be studying his menu rather intently.

"We could share a sundae?" Magnus looked up to see Alec frowning slightly.

"Wha- Oh, no I don't want to." Alec said abruptly,

"Okay... are you sure, they're really good." Magnus tried, concerned that Alec's mood had changed so drastically.

"Yes, Magnus, I'm sure." Alec snapped.

"Woah. Don't bite my head off, it's just dessert, Alec."

Alec sighed and set the menu down quickly. He took Magnus' hand against his will and looked into his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I snapped at you. I just don't like to have too much sugar because I like to stay fit, okay." Alec gazed at Magnus and his eyes were so intense and serious that Magnus couldn't look away.

He squeezed Alec's hand once and smiled.

"It's okay, Alexander. I don't _need_ dessert to survive, don't worry." He laughed to lighten the mood and Alec's serious expression started to fade.

"Shall we ask for the cheque?" Magnus offered.

"Don't worry about it." Alec stood up and Magnus was suddenly reminded of how attractively tall he was. Especially in black skinny jeans.

They walked out the restaurant and once they neared Magnus' car he realised it was the end of the night and one of them was going to have to acknowledge it.

"I had a great time." Alec blurted out before Magnus could think of something to say.

Magnus couldn't help but smile at how adorably blunt he was.

"Me too, Alexander. I wouldn't be opposed to a second date if you'd like?"

"Yes, I'd like that." Alec smiled softly and in the darkness of November, a small sliver of moonlight lit his face and Magnus was struck once again by how extraordinarily beautiful he was.

Before he could silently talk himself out of it, he leaned in and brushed his lips against Alec's softly. It was chaste and sweet but as he pulled away, Alec leaned in for more and put his hand on Magnus' neck and the kiss caught fire. Magnus found himself craving more even as it was still happening. Alec's lips were soft and gentle but the effort and emotion he put into kissing made it addictive.

When Alec pulled away (because Magnus was not going to make that mistake again) his lips were redder and his eyes were bright and Magnus didn't imagine that he looked much better.

"So..." Magnus attempted but he couldn't stop himself from laughing as he realised they'd just kissed for quite a long time in public by Magnus' car. Alec joined in and it became hard to stop laughing after that.

"As much as I hate to say it, I probably should go, I may have ran out the door earlier without giving my mother details on where I was going so I don't want her to worry." Magnus bit his lip as he said this, picturing his mom stressing over his whereabouts.

"Yeah, I should go too, I promised Jace I'd help him out with his Bio homework later." Alec admitted, with a small sigh.

"I'll text you...?"

"Please do, Alexander."

Alec looked pleased about that and he leaned in to peck Magnus briefly on the lips.

"I had a really good time, Magnus. Thank you for coming."

Magnus fought the urge to say something inappropriate and instead settled for smiling once again at Alec.

"Anytime. Goodnight Alexander."

"Goodnight Magnus."

And with that, Alec spun on his heel, quite gracefully and strode away, presumably towards his car.

Magnus couldn't shake the excited, jittery feeling as he started driving away and in truth he didn't want to. He had hoped that tonight would prove that there was something between them and it had exceeded all of his expectations.

Alexander was definitely worth more than just his looks.

* * *

* * *

Alec let himself into the house quietly; although it wasn't late, Max was probably asleep by now.

He wandered into the kitchen to see if anyone was around and found Jace eating chips and scrolling through his phone, with textbooks and pens spread out around the table.

"Hey, man. How did the date go?" Jace wiggled his eyebrows at Alec suggestively and Alec rolled his eyes.

"It went...' Alec struggled to find a word for how great the date went, "Amazing, actually. He's amazing."

Jace grinned at him but it faded slowly as if a thought had occurred to him.

"Wait, are you going to tell him?" He asked seriously.

Alec sighed, knowing this would come up eventually.

"I don't know. I trust him already but I don't want to risk it. Not after last time."

Jace nodded, chewing slowly.

"Well whatever you do, I'm here for you. Now not to change the subject but I was promised some help in Biology..."

Alec snorted and walked round to the stool next to Jace reluctantly.

"I remember, don't worry."

And he picked up a textbook and tried to focus his mind on biology. But it wasn't an easy feat. Not when all he could think about was Magnus' captivating eyes and smile.

_I'll see where it goes. And then decide what to do._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed, follow me on tumblr if you want because I post snippets of the upcoming chapters on there, I'm [malec-go-to-hogwarts](http://malec-go-to-hogwarts.tumblr.com/)  
> And my twitter is @hogwartsmalec :)  
> If you have any questions then ask me on one of those or comment below.  
> Leave a comment of your fave thing in the chapter or any thing you want me to improve :) I also love reading theories about what you think is up with Alec so feel free to do that <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec get to know each other other further and their connection grows stronger as they admit their feelings for each other. But Alec's secret still looms over them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiiiiii.  
> I'm back, this is possibly the quickest I've updated ever lmao. 
> 
> First things first, on the last chapter I had a comment about my maths skill or lack of I should say. I want to point out that I'm 17, British and not a fan of maths so if anyone is going to get annoyed about inaccurate maths skills then don't read my fic basically.  
> Also little disclaimer, I've been to New York once for Christmas in 2014 so any description in this is from that trip so if anyone lives there and knows it's inaccurate pls bear with me :) 
> 
> Translation of Indonesian: Dia tidak tertarik pada wanita tapi bagus usahakan = he's not interested in women but nice try (translated from google translate so idk how accurate it is) 
> 
> Finally I just want to thank everyone who has left kudos and commented on this, I'm so grateful and I didn't expect this reaction at all :)  
> Hope everyone enjoys this fluff and... tiny bit of angst I guess :)

The next two weeks flew by in a swirl of school, laughter, music, snow and of course Alexander.  
It was a beautiful thing, to get to know someone and have your feelings for them grow like a flower in bloom with each new conversation.

Magnus texted Alec the day after their first date and they hadn’t stopped since. Even when they saw each other every day at school and talked -albeit quietly- in Maths, Magnus texted Alec constantly in the evenings, whether it was with a silly post he found on Tumblr or an interesting fact or thought he had. And Alec did the same back.

And Magnus’ feelings _were_ growing every day. Alexander was funny in a witty, dry way which had Magnus laughing out loud sometimes. He was caring in a way that made Magnus’ heart glow. And his personality and looks were so equally balanced that Magnus was starting to wonder if he’d genuinely found the perfect man. 

Except of course, there was the slight issue of Alec’s inexplicable secret that was yet to even be touched on. But Magnus only ever worried about it when he was about to go to sleep and it flitted through his mind or when he saw a strange look pass over Alec’s face as if he wanted to tell Magnus something. 

They went on two more dates over those two weeks and both were idyllic in a way similar to movies but without the facade. Magnus took Alec to an art gallery that recently opened in New York and they spent the day walking hand in hand around the vast modern building with the old paintings creating a perfect juxtaposition. 

It was refreshing to find a common interest with someone that wasn’t in any way forced. Alec genuinely knew what he was talking about and he spoke about art with a quiet passion that almost rendered Magnus speechless. _Almost._

And after they grabbed a sandwich, found a bench to eat on and talked about everything and nothing, Magnus found himself wondering how he had formed such an instant connection to someone. Was it too early to feel this comfortable around Alec? He immediately dismissed that thought. He couldn’t worry about things that were out of his control and his feelings were definitely one of those things. Relationships cannot be placed in a box. Some people build trust and ease slowly, others find it instantly. No point questioning it. 

And Magnus didn’t question it when Alec kissed him breathless against the building of the art gallery before smirking and striding away. These things happen for a reason. 

 

Less than a week later, when Magnus was in his room pretending to study, Alec texted him the location of a bowling alley, around ten minutes away from Magnus, with an attached message saying “ _How about a spontaneous competition? :)”_  
And really who could say no to that.

Magnus found it extremely amusing to see Alec acting superior, telling Magnus how to bowl perfectly and even offering to correct Magnus’ stance himself. And while he probably would have enjoyed feeling Alec’s body pressed against his, he found he didn’t care about missing out when he got six strikes in a row and saw Alec’s eyes wide with surprise and was that desire?

“Is it weird that seeing you do that turns me on a little?” Alec inquired with a glint in his eye and Magnus’ previous thought was confirmed instantly.

“If you’re trying to distract me, then you need to try _harder_ , Alexander.” Magnus replied and smirked when Alec flushed at his deliberate innuendo.

When Magnus won by 50 points Alec didn’t look disappointed in the slightest, which Magnus tried not to find attractive but ultimately failed. Although it’s hard to describe it as failing when he ended his night making out with Alexander in his car for almost ten minutes before Alec pushed Magnus against the driving wheel and the horn went off for the whole street to hear.

The only downside to that date was walking inside his house and seeing his mother’s knowing smile as she looked pointedly at his neck. Alec clearly hadn’t been listening when he’d gasped “no obvious hickeys” as he’d laced his fingers into Alec’s unruly hair and stretched his neck to give him better access. Okay, so maybe he could have been firmer with that point. 

 

Those dates with Alec made Magnus more interested in him than before - if that were possible. They had a natural chemistry which Magnus didn’t think he’d ever felt with anyone. It was all consuming and electric and the intensity of it scared Magnus slightly but also excited him. If this was what it felt like just to be dating Alec then what would it feel like to be his boyfriend? To be in love? Maybe he was getting ahead of himself but he was ready to make it official with Alec. They met a month ago and Magnus already felt closer to him than he normally did after a mere four weeks getting to know someone. But he didn’t know if Alec felt the same.

 

Time went by so fast that Magnus’ birthday was in two days and he had almost forgotten about it. It landed on a Saturday this year and even after Magnus protested via text message, Alec insisted he would take him somewhere special on the evening if he were free. 

He woke on his birthday to see that it was icy cold and frost was covering almost every surface outside his house. 

After spending the morning with his mother, Magnus went for lunch with Tessa while she met one of her friends from work. He was glad he was able to spend time with his mom because one thing he promised not to do was start neglecting his friends and family because of Alec. Although she did spend the morning grilling him on the depth of his feelings and asking for an analysis of Alec as a person.

He spent lunch filling Tessa in on how he felt about Alec and she told him about her growing feelings for both Will and Jem which he found extremely interesting. He speculated about what Alec might have planned for his birthday date and she kept suspiciously quiet but Magnus tried to keep his hopes relatively low in case Alec had planned something weird or boring - although it wasn’t likely. 

He dressed more practically for the date in the face of the biting cold weather but he still managed to make it stylish by pairing a purple shirt with a Victorian style neck tie and wearing his black Hugo Boss coat over this ensemble. Since their first date, Magnus managed his time more effectively so when Alec knocked on his door he was ready to go immediately. But his mother wasn’t having any of it. 

“Magnus. Tell him to come in for a minute.” 

Magnus held back a sigh but he knew she wouldn't take no for an answer so he resigned himself to embarrassment and opened the door wide. 

“Alexander, hi.” 

Magnus was temporarily taken aback by how good Alec looked. Not that he didn't always but he seemed to have put more effort in for tonight. 

He was in a dark blue shirt with gold buttons, his usual black skinny jeans and a black leather jacket which had eye catching silver swirls printed all over it. His eyes were bright and intense today, the colours popping against each other to create a myriad of green,brown and gold. And his hair looked like it actually had product in it and wasn't his “I just woke up” look. Magnus secretly thought it was probably Isabelle's doing; over the last two weeks Alec had told him all about his sister’s love for fashion and how she always wanted to dress him for everything. 

When Magnus had studied Alec's appearance for a little too long he finally looked at his face and saw a tiny smirk that indicated Alec knew exactly what he'd been doing. 

Magnus cleared his throat and smiled at him. 

“So, I apologise in advance but my mother would like you to come in for a second.” Magnus heard his mom chuckle behind him. 

“Hello, Alexander is it? Or do you prefer Alec.” She walked to the door and extended a hand to Alec which he took hastily. 

“You can call me either, Mrs Bane.” Alec said politely, and Magnus couldn't hide his smile at how formal he was. 

“Call me Anisa, Alec. I hate formalities.” She smiled at him and Magnus felt equal parts relieved and suspicious that she was acting normal. 

“So where exactly are you taking Magnus tonight?” She inquired. 

“Well, um it's a surprise for him but I can tell you in private if you want to know.” Alec’s eyes shone with such sincerity that Magnus almost wanted to look away and he couldn't imagine what his mother was thinking. 

“No, I can see you're a genuine man, Alec. Don't be too late back, Magnus. Have fun.” And she winked at Alec and dropped a kiss on Magnus’ cheek before she walked back to the kitchen. 

Magnus was surprised at how normal their interaction was but he was more amused at his mother flirting with Alec. 

“ _Dia tidak tertarik pada wanita tapi usaha yang bagus_.” He shouted as he took Alec's hand and walked out the door. He heard her laugh just as he shut it behind him and he couldn't help grinning as they walked to Alec's car. 

“What did you say?” Alec looked intrigued, his eyes bright with curiosity. 

“Just told her that I noticed her flirting with you.” Magnus took delight in the way Alec’s cheeks reddened and he ducked his head. 

“Don't worry, I told her you're not interested.” Alec looked up at that and grinned with mischief. 

“Oh so you're speaking for me now.” He said, eyes glinting as he unlocked his car. 

“Only to my mother but yes I am.” Magnus quipped, relishing in the warmth of Alec's car as he settled in the passenger seat. 

He sighed contentedly and then turned to see Alec staring at him. 

“Wh-” 

But before he could finish the sentence, Alec's mouth was warm against his as he leaned into Magnus’ space and twined his fingers into his hair. Their tongues brushed against each other and Magnus held back a moan as Alec pulled on his hair. 

He didn't know how long they kissed for but when Alec pulled back, they were both out of breath and Alec's lips were red and wet. Magnus was having trouble thinking straight at all, he felt like he'd just hurtled back to Earth after jumping out of an airplane. His head fell back against the seat as he tried to control his breathing and his heart. 

“Happy birthday, by the way.” Alec grinned at him cheekily and laced their fingers together.

* * *

Alec pulled into a parking lot that he said was not far from where they needed to be. Magnus knew they were in the centre of New York though, you couldn’t miss the skyscrapers. 

They walked close to each other on the busy sidewalk; Saturday night meant everyone was out whether it was to party or for a meal. Magnus’ arm brushed against Alec’s as they walked and he resisted the urge to just wrap his arm around Alec’s waist and lean into him. It _was_ cold after all. 

They walked along the street as if they were heading to Rockefeller Centre and Magnus was just about to see if he could get a hint for where they were going when Alec turned into the centre itself and he had no choice but to follow.

It was still busy but less loud, most people were clearly seeking warmth from a popular restaurant than bracing themselves in the icy air but Magnus loved Rockefeller Centre. It was so big and it had so many different attractions that it always felt exciting to look around.

They walked leisurely, in no rush and soon Magnus saw a brightness ahead that looked excitingly familiar.

“Oh the ice rink. I love ice skating. I’ve never actually been to this one. It’s always full.” He said conversationally as they walked past.

But Alec stopped. With a small smile, he produced two tickets. 

“I booked VIP, so that we could get on the ice straight awa-” He broke off as Magnus flew at him and wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck. 

“Alexander, thank you. This is such a great birthday date.” He said into Alec’s neck and then pulled back as a thought occurred to him.

“But a little risky. How did you know I’d always wanted to come here. How did you know I didn’t _hate_ ice skating.” Magnus narrowed his eyes and tried to stifle his happy smile to seem more suspicious but he was too excited.

Alec on the other hand, now looked sheepish. 

“I got Tessa’s number off Izzy a week ago and asked her what I could do that would be special. I didn’t just want to go out for food. You only turn 18 once so I thought this would be a good surprise.”

And if Magnus hadn’t melted at the thought of Alec texting Tessa to ask for help, he melted at the embarrassed but hopeful smile etched on Alec’s face. 

He stepped closer to Alec - their chests almost touching - and tilted his head up to catch Alec’s lips with his. His eyes fluttered shut and he tried to convey his gratitude through the kiss as their lips brushed against each other. It was sweet, chaste compared to other kisses but somehow it was more special because of how Magnus felt right now.

And when he pulled back and saw his own happiness and hope reflected in Alec’s beautiful eyes, he couldn’t help but think “ _This feels so completely and utterly right._ ”

* * *

* * *

Magnus loved ice skating. Not only that but it’s something he’s good at as well. So when they took to the ice fifteen minutes later, Magnus was ready to show off a little. It _was_ his birthday after all.

So when Alexander stepped on the ice and curved gracefully around Magnus with what seemed to be natural talent, Magnus suddenly realised how he had felt when they went bowling. Not only did Magnus feel somewhat disappointed that he was not really going to impress Alec when their abilities seemed to be relatively balanced (if anything Alec was much better) but he also felt oddly attracted by Alec’s hidden talent. There was something about the way he looked as he spun slowly; his legs longer as they stretched to balance. It was appealing, one could say.

“So, I see you’re not a beginner, Alexander.” Magnus commented as he skated over with ease. 

Alec grinned almost apologetically. “My mother put me in lessons when I was 9 and I did it for a few years but I still come back every now and then to practise. That’s kind of why I was happy when Tessa mentioned you loving ice skating.”

“I can tell. You look very… comfortable on the ice.” And it was true. Even though Magnus was fairly confident he always stood as still as possible when he wasn’t moving so that he wasn’t in danger of falling. Alec, on the other hand, was moving his left foot around the ice absently as if he was on normal concrete. 

“Well, let’s not just stand still for an hour. C’mon.” Alec held his hand out for Magnus to take and Magnus didn’t hesitate before taking it.

* * *

* * *

It was as magical as Magnus had always thought it would be. Skating with that beautiful tree twinkling above them, feeling the ice cold air rush past his body as he glided hand in hand with Alec around the rink. 

After half an hour, Alec clearly felt mischievous and started trying to surprise Magnus and get him to fall over. After a few failed attempts, he sped around the rink suddenly and then came hurtling towards Magnus as if he wasn't going to stop. 

But two could play at that game. Instead of hastily skating out the way, Magnus raced towards Alec and because of the short distance Alec had no choice but to allow them to collide and not even a talented skater like himself could stop gravity from forcing them into the packed ice with a thud. 

Magnus got the better end of the deal, as Alec curved under him to take the fall and therefore the possible injury. Which almost made Magnus “ _aww_ ” out loud at the gesture. Especially seeing as it was partly Magnus’ fault that they fell. 

“Alexander, are you okay?” Magnus asked worriedly as he glanced at Alec, lying with his eyes closed. 

But a small smile took over his face and his eyes fluttered open to shine in Magnus’ direction. 

“I'm fine. My jacket took the fall for me.” He smirked as he looked up at Magnus and at Magnus’ raised eyebrow pointedly looked at his body and then Magnus’. 

At that, Magnus realised that the fall had forced him to lay on top of Alec, with their hips aligned and his hands splayed across Alec's chest. Magnus was suddenly reminded of Camille's party and he swallowed quickly, his throat dry as detailed memories flashed through his mind. 

“If I’d known falling over would get me in this position again I would have done it as soon as we got on the ice.” Magnus winked at Alec, relishing in the way his face reddened and not because of the cold. 

Eventually they realised they had to get up because people were starting to stare curiously in their direction. 

Once they'd hauled themselves up and found their balance again, they played a couple of silly skating games where they had to do their best spin and judge each other's out of 10. Magnus tried to find fault in Alec's but he _was_ a natural so he gave him all 10s and Alec was such a gentleman that he reciprocated. 

_Wow we’re sickeningly sweet and we’re not even an actual couple yet._ Magnus thought briefly, as he watched Alec spin shockingly fast on the ice. 

Eventually they made their way off the rink and Alec took Magnus to a small restaurant opposite the rink where he'd made reservations. 

Somehow the beautiful evening they were having allowed Alec to open up a little more about his family's reaction to him being gay. He said that Izzy asked him when he was 14 and he became terrified that he was being obvious about it but she reassured him even though she was only just 13 at the time. Then he told Jace when he was 16 and finally he told his parents almost three months ago. His dad had told him he was surprised but no less proud. And his mom had left the room for around an hour and came back in tears saying that she loved him no matter what and that it had just taken her by surprise. 

Magnus’ eyes teared up as he heard how accepting Alec's family had been and how much it had meant to Alec and he gently took Alec's hand where it lay on the table. And he held it for the rest of the meal. 

As they spoke about their opinions on LGBTQ+ awareness at schools and how it could be improved, Magnus realised that he hadn't felt this happy in a long time. As he had figured his sexuality out at such a young age, he was a teenager who was unafraid to admit attraction. 

Therefore he was young when he had his first relationship, around 14. With a girl older than him, Dot. He experienced a lot with her in a short space of time but she got bored because of their age gap so they ended things after around 3 months. 

His next relationship was when he was 15 around six months before Abe died. This was with a boy of 16, Imasu. A foreign exchange student who came to their school. Magnus had been drawn in by his passion and soft melodic voice. They dated for around 8 months and when Abe died, Imasu had been there for him in a way that Magnus hadn't expected. Magnus had started to feel like he was in love for the first time. 

But then Imasu had told him he was going back to his country and they had mutually decided to break things off. That had also been the start of Magnus’ rebellious phase. Without Imasu, his grief over Abe dying was heightened and he started going to parties, drinking every day and sleeping with anyone who so much as looked at him interestedly. He wanted to _feel_ something so badly that he didn't realise that everything he was doing was only making him numb to feelings. Eventually Tessa had intervened and his life had gotten back on track. 

But right now, as he looked at Alexander, with his tousled hair, shining eyes and “light up the world” smile he couldn't think of anyone who had ever made him feel as happy.

* * *

* * *

Magnus’ wish from earlier on in the evening came true as he and Alec walked back to his car. Alec had his arm slung around Magnus’ shoulder while Magnus had his wrapped around Alec's waist underneath his jacket. Because of the slight height difference Magnus was leaning into Alec. For _warmth_ of course. 

They didn't talk as much during their walk. For some reason it felt like this date had been different. In the best way. But it felt more like a relationship now than it had before. Magnus felt comfortable around Alec in a way he only really did with his closest friends and mom. And he was sure Alec felt similarly. 

As they got eagerly into Alec's car, seeking warmth from the heated seats, Alec turned to Magnus with a serious look on his face. 

“So… I want to say something and I just- I'm not great with words but I'm going to try.” He looked at Magnus with such an earnest, open expression that Magnus resisted the urge to kiss him and instead nodded for him to continue. 

“You know I've never had a proper relationship. The only one I did have was hidden from the world by my choice. Even in that relationship, I never felt a connection to him. And after that, I stuck to sex to gain experience more than anything. And yeah some of it was good but I still didn't feel anything for them other than sexual attraction. I thought maybe romantic relationships weren't for me.” Alec paused and took a deep breath. 

“Then I met you, Magnus. When I say you've changed me as a person it sounds crazy but you have. I met you at a time when I felt out of my depth. My boyfriend died and I blamed myself, I was partying every weekend just to find a new hookup but the whole time I was craving a connection with someone on a different level. You are that connection.” Alec's eyes were wide with honesty and compassion and Magnus’ breath caught in his throat as his words sunk in. 

“So, what I'm saying, is I want to be your boyfriend, Magnus. I know we've only known each for a month but every date we've been on has made me realise that you are special. So what do you think?” Magnus felt like Alec's eyes were looking into his soul as they bored into his, full of question and slight fear. 

Magnus couldn't hold back anymore, he leaned in and cupped Alec's face between his hands. Their lips met gently but Magnus grew bolder and deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue into Alec's mouth slowly and Alec leaned forward, almost in Magnus’ seat as he responded to the kiss with equal fervor. 

They pulled back to catch their breath, reluctantly and Alec was smiling wider than he ever had. 

“Should I take that as a yes?” He questioned. 

Magnus couldn't help but tease him a little, “I'm going to need to think about it.” He smirked as Alec's smile dropped to a half-hearted glare, he knew Magnus was joking but he played along anyway. 

“Maybe I can convince you to speed your thinking along.” Alec leaned into Magnus’ space and brought his mouth to Magnus’ neck, dropping quick, heated kisses along the skin and then changing to lingering kisses. 

Magnus gasped when Alec's teeth scraped along his neck and then soothed the spot with his tongue. 

“Oh, looks like I already left one here…” Alec commented amusedly, probably looking at the still red mark on the left side of Magnus’ neck. 

Coming across that didn't stop him though and he carried on his ministrations until Magnus gave up and grabbed his hair to pull him up so that he was mere inches away from his face. 

“Okay, that's enough.” He said as he tried to cover how affected he had been by Alec's efforts. The smug look on Alec's face said he wasn't doing a very good job. 

Magnus would have let him carry on in all honesty but he felt like he needed to say something so that Alec understood the depth of his feelings as well. 

“Of course I want to be your boyfriend, Alexander. Thank you for what you said. While I have been in more serious relationships than you, it doesn't mean they were massively special. I also feel a connection to you that I don't think I've ever felt before. So our feelings are mutual.” 

Alec smiled and reached down to take Magnus’ hand from his lap while Magnus took note of the strange position they were in; Alec practically sat on the console in his car, while his upper body is pressed against Magnus’ and one of Magnus’ arms is still wrapped around Alec while their hands are joined. It reminds him of something he had already been thinking a couple of days ago, when he thought about asking Alec to be his boyfriend himself. 

“If we’re going to be boyfriends, I have a small suggestion.” 

Alec hears the serious tone and looks at Magnus properly, rather than stare at his lips pointedly. 

“Neither of us are virgins by any stretch of the imagination. And we have the rather unconventional addition of already having hooked up with each other - just not all the way.” 

Alec smirked, probably remembering Camille's party as Magnus was. 

“So,’ Magnus moved swiftly on, “I think we should take it slower if we are doing this properly. Every relationship I've had, has been sex first and _then_ some feelings, if any. And I don't want it to be like that with us, even though I don't regret what we did at the party. I want to get to know you better first. Is that stupid?” 

Alec shook his head quickly, “No Magnus, I get it completely and I agree. This is different for me, so it's not about sex with you.” At Magnus’ chuckle, he flushed slightly, “Obviously I want to. But I want to wait too. I want to show you that this means something to me.” He admitted sincerely.

“Okay, so now we’re on the same page, you should probably get off me so it's easier for me to resist kissing you.” 

Alec laughed but swiftly retreated to the driver's seat as gracefully as he could.

Just as Magnus was about to suggest they set off before it got too late, Alec’s face lit up and he scrambled around to grab something from underneath the back seat.

Magnus watched him curiously and then his gaze landed on Alec’s torso, as his jacket and shirt had ridden up while he stretched behind the seat, showing a strip of slightly tanned skin and hard muscle. Magnus groaned quietly, his earlier resolve starting to taste more like regret. 

“Got it!” Alec’s voice broke through Magnus’ reverie and brought him back to real life, where Alec was sat with a small smile playing around his mouth as he held a perfectly wrapped present in his lap.

“Alexander… You didn’t need to get me a gift. You’ve done enough tonight.” Magnus couldn’t decide if he liked Alec going all out for his birthday or if he felt bad that he’d done so much for him. 

“I know I didn’t have to but I _wanted_ to. Like I said you only turn 18 once.” Alec shrugged and handed Magnus the present.

Not knowing what to expect, Magnus unwrapped it and couldn’t contain his gasp of shock. Boxed and brand new was a Shure Studio Microphone. So many emotions ran through Magnus all at once; shock that Alec had remembered him saying he wanted a studio microphone (because he was converting his old bedroom into a home studio), horror that he’d brought him one of the most expensive brands out there and gratitude for the thought that had clearly gone into the present. 

When he looked up to see Alec staring at him anxiously, he stopped worrying about the price immediately.

“Alexander, I don’t know what to say. You didn’t have to do this and I don’t want you to regularly spend this type of money on me but thank you so much. I - can’t believe you remembered and thought to buy this.”

Alec ran his hand through his hair, embarrassed. “Izzy helped me pick. I just wanted you to have something that you would actually use.” 

“Well you couldn’t have chosen a better gift. I don’t know how to thank you for this.” Magnus admitted, as he ran his hands across the smooth box. 

Alec stared at Magnus intently, his eyes darkening and his mouth turning up into a smirk. 

Magnus realised what he was doing and shook his head more to himself than to Alec. 

“We’re taking this slowly, Alexander, I mean it.” 

“Okay, I know, I’m not doing anything.” He tried and then just when Magnus was about to break anyway, Alec licked his lips slowly.

Within seconds, Magnus was out of his seat and in Alec’s lap, kissing him hard and desperate, pouring every emotion he’d felt since the night began into the kiss. Their tongues danced and their lips moved as one, every time they separated to breathe one of them would dive back in for more and soon Magnus could feel his body responding slightly, their position not making things easier.

Still he let Alec nip at his neck while he dipped his hands up under Alec’s now untucked shirt, feeling that muscle from earlier and letting his hands roam freely over his heated skin. Eventually when he felt both of them pause - as if deciding whether to take things further - Magnus pulled back. Not that it made much difference seeing as he was still sat on Alec. 

“Right… So that _was_ my fault. But I am not having sex in your car.” Alec snorted at that and Magnus swatted at him, “I do want us to wait a while because I don’t want our relationship to be based off sex. I know it’s not _just_ about sex for either of us but I just- I don’t know why it feels important but it does. And I know that it’s not going to stop us from making out and wanting to have sex because we’ve only just started dating and that’s what happens. But I just want us to be in agreement about it.” 

“Magnus. Of course I agree. Sex isn’t a make or break thing for me. I used sex as an outlet for two months because I felt lost even though I was no longer hiding. This is my first real relationship and I want it to be different. So even if I might make comments or kiss you all the time, it doesn’t mean I’m trying to have sex right there.” Magnus huffed a laugh out at that and leaned back in to rest his forehead against Alec’s. 

“Thank you, Alexander.” They paused, breathing each other in. 

“Well, I think you should start driving before either of us changes our mind. Because this position is not making my decision feel like a particularly good one.” Magnus clambered off Alec to make his point clearer.

And with a final amused glance, Alec put his seatbelt on and pulled out of the secluded parking lot to take Magnus home.

* * *

* * *

A week later

“Magnus, when I said we could go shopping, I meant for an hour. We’ve been here for three and you haven’t bought one item.” Alec dragged his feet to emphasise his tiredness. 

“Clearly you have never been shopping three days before Christmas, Alexander.” Magnus spun on his heel to deposit three more pairs of jeans into Alec’s arms and then carried on further into the store.

Magnus had wanted to see Alec before the whole Lightwood family went away for Christmas and didn’t return until New Years Eve. However because of the hectic season, they had struggled to find a free day until Magnus had suggested Alec join him in his last minute shopping spree. Alec had agreed but Magnus was starting to suspect he hadn’t realised how intense last minute Christmas shopping was.

“Uh, Magnus.” Alec’s voice sounded oddly shaky.

Magnus turned to see Alec looking pale and panicked with a wild look in his dark eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Magnus tried to keep his tone calm but he was worried by the expression on Alec’s face. 

“I just- I have to phone… Izzy. I forgot. Can you… t-take these?” Alec dumped the clothes in Magnus’ arms and hurried out the store. 

Magnus was left standing in the middle of a department store holding a pile of clothes and feeling thoroughly confused.

Alec had lied to him, that much was clear. But Magnus found he cared less about the lying and more about Alec himself. Whatever was happening was out of his control, evidently. Panic attacks? That was a possibility. But they didn’t seem triggered by anything, more random which made Magnus think it was something else. 

This was the first time anything unusual had happened since Camille’s party so Magnus busied himself with picking an outfit for Alec and tried not to dwell on his issues. 

After about half an hour of failing to distract himself, Magnus felt a hand at the crook of his elbow and he turned to see Alec who looked back to normal but slightly distressed. 

“Magnus. I’m sorry about that. I…” He struggled to find words and Magnus decided to shrug it off.

“You don’t have to tell me or apologise, Alexander. As long as you feel fine and have sorted out whatever happened then we can forget about it.” Magnus said steadier than he felt.

Alec seemed to deflate with relief. 

“But if this keeps happening when we’re together, you’re going to have to at least tell me how to help. Because I can’t stand around feeling helpless if something is wrong with you. It’s not fair on either of us.” Magnus looked at Alec properly and saw his hazel eyes flash with resolve. 

“It’s not a big deal, Magnus. I just had to phone Izzy because I thought I’d left my keys in my car at home and I freaked out a little.”

Magnus didn’t believe him for a second but he didn’t want to start an argument with Alec when they had only been an actual couple for a week. That seemed like a bad start. So he swallowed his concern and smiled widely at Alec. 

“Okay, well if you’ve sorted it all out then we can go to the checkout and then grab lunch.” Magnus said airily as he walked towards the long line of people, Alec following after him with an indecipherable expression on his face. 

After 15 minutes of slightly awkward conversation as they both tried to move on from the situation that had occurred, Magnus made an entirely inappropriate joke and Alec cracked up, successfully cutting the tension in two. They had a quick lunch before Magnus dropped Alec off in front of his “mansion” as he called it behind Alec’s back. It was huge. 

Despite the happy mood returning, Magnus couldn’t bring himself to respond much to Alec when he tried to deepen their goodbye kiss, outside his house gates. He still had an empty feeling in his stomach even though they’d just eaten. Eventually Alec pulled away and pecked Magnus on the cheek instead. 

“I’m sorry.” He muttered and Magnus could hear in his tone that he knew why Magnus was acting differently.

“Just- don’t lie to me, Alec. I’d rather you ignore me than lie to me.” 

Alec nodded, pain flashing through his eyes. 

“I want to tell you everything. But…” 

“You don’t have to explain yourself. As long as you are okay now, it’s fine. But eventually you’ll have to tell me what’s going on if it’s a long term problem.” 

Alec gulped once, something similar to frustration crossing his face. But it didn’t seem directed at Magnus; more at himself.

“I should probably go, I need to pack.” Alec admitted, running his hand through his hair as he often did when he was feeling awkward. 

“Yeah, okay. This didn’t ruin anything, Alexander, if that’s what you’re worrying about. I knew what I was signing up for when I said I wanted to be your boyfriend.” Magnus leaned in to brush his lips against Alec’s lightly to convince himself as much as Alec. 

Alec looked moderately happier when they separated and he stepped away from Magnus. 

“I’ll text you.” He said, inflecting the end as if it were a question. 

Magnus rolled his eyes, affectionately. “You better. Merry Christmas, Alexander.” 

“Merry Christmas, Magnus.”

And Magnus got back into his car, took a deep breath and started to drive home, his thoughts churning with longing, confusion and worry.

* * *

* * *

Alec sighed as he folded two t-shirts and lay them in his suitcase. Izzy was sat on his window seat, while Jace was lying on his bed, even after Alec had protested.

“I don’t know what to do. He knew I lied. About all of it.” He admitted, remembering Magnus’ beautiful face tinged with sadness as he looked at Alec. 

“Alec, I love you but you overthink everything.” Isabelle said, as she filed her nails, absently. “Magnus is a nice guy, he’s not going to run away if you tell him.” 

“I know.” Alec scrubbed a hand through his hair frustratedly, “I just don’t want to burden him with it. Or put him in danger.” 

“Alec, _we_ know why you worry about that but you make it into a bigger deal than it is. Clary thought you were dying before she found out. Now she doesn’t get why you won’t tell anyone.” Jace commented, as he scrolled through his phone. 

“Clary finding out was an accident, Jace. I don’t want Magnus to find out like that.” Alec snapped, before his anger turned to worry and he sank into his armchair. 

“Well you need to tell him then. At some point anyway. You can’t risk another close call like today. He’s not stupid and if you spend a lot of time together he’ll figure it out.” Izzy moved to sit on the side of his chair and rested her hand on Alec’s arm supportively.

“Yeah, it’s not uncommon, you know. We’re here for you, no matter what, bro.” Jace sat up, his face more serious as he locked his phone.

“I appreciate it, both of you. But Jace, don’t call me bro.” He said trying to lighten the mood. 

Izzy laughed and Jace looked slightly offended before he started grinning. “Okay… Bro.” 

And Alec got up and pushed Jace off his bed with one swift movement, starting a small war in seconds.

And as Jace ran towards him to retaliate, he forgot about his issues and only thought about how great things were going with Magnus. 

For now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooh so that happened...  
> We're getting closer to the reveal so instead of asking for theories about what Alec's hiding, I'm gonna ask if anyone has any ideas why he's not telling Magnus??? What is he afraid of??  
> Also let me know if y'all want the next chapter to include a New Year's Eve party scene or not because I'm about start the outline for chapter 8!!!
> 
> I am working on an enemies to friends to lovers malec fic right now so if that goes up before chapter 8 pls check my works and give it a read :) 
> 
> Follow me on tumblr if you want because I post snippets of the upcoming chapters on there, I'm [malec-go-to-hogwarts](http://malec-go-to-hogwarts.tumblr.com/)  
> And my twitter is @hogwartsmalec :)  
> Until next time x


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec realise that being in a relationship in school is harder than it seems and Magnus struggles with Alec’s persistent secrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How many times will Niamh apologise for updating so late? Too many times. I am so sorry about how late this is. I was so going to get this up about three weeks ago but I ended up getting a bit of writers block and then when it vanished, school had started again. I am exhausted bc I was so unused to doing work all day so it took me longer to get this done.  
> I do have a job now as well as school plus social life so it will be longer waits between updates potentially a month tbh. I know that’s not convenient but I have to fit it in around my every day life so it’s just one of those things.  
> It’s completely unbeta-ed so please ignore any mistakes and I’ll try and fix them if I see any.  
> Enjoy :)

“10”

Magnus grinned at Alec through hazy eyes. Maybe he’d had a little bit too much to drink but Alec was sober enough for the both of them. Magnus reached out to Alec to pull him closer as the chanting continued and Alec laughed at his eagerness.

“3… 2… 1… Happy New Year!” Cheers rang all around them but Magnus forgot everything else as he pulled Alec into a bruising kiss, with more tongue than he probably would have if he were sober but that didn’t matter as they breathed each other in for the first time of the New Year. 

And all Magnus’ drunken mind could think as he wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck to bring him closer than was possible was “Happy fucking New Year to me.”

* * *

_Two weeks later._

It was official. Magnus’ school had gone crazy. 

When he and Alec walked hand in hand down the hallway, people stared excitedly. They whispered about them in their classes. People who’d never spoken to Magnus before wanted to know about their relationship. 

Magnus guessed it was because of the unlikely match that he and Alec were. Alec, a known jock and academic student, popular but also unapologetic regarding his sexuality. Magnus, outspoken and dramatic, involved with the music and drama departments and popular in his own right but in a more “knows everyone” way. Together they were an unconventional yet surprisingly compatible couple but when people at school had found out they were in a relationship somehow it had been big news for over two weeks.

Now it was finally starting to die down but they still got glances whenever either of them so much as looked at the other.

To sum it up though, they were now their schools “it” couple.  
And Magnus was equal parts impressed with his school’s acceptance but also felt slightly weird about how his relatively new relationship was being scrutinised. 

And if one more person tried to ask about their sex life… well Magnus would probably lose his temper. 

As for the relationship itself it was going perfectly. 

After the hiccup right before Christmas, Alec had messaged Magnus daily telling him about his day and saying that he missed him and he’d even opened the Instagram app for probably the first time to comment a heart-eyes emoji on Magnus’ Christmas selfie. Although Magnus suspected Alec’s more experienced siblings (namely Izzy) had a lot to do with the latter. Overall Magnus felt thoroughly better when they reunited on New Year's Eve which he might have used as an excuse to kiss Alec hello for longer than he had clearly been expecting if his stifled groan had been any indication.

After school had started back up and the craziness had occurred, Magnus had worried that it would bother Alec but he took it in his stride the same way Magnus did. They shared eye rolls when someone got too inquisitive and they mostly laughed about it. Now people were losing interest and it hadn’t affected their relationship at all. 

It was a relief actually to see that Alec took things lightheartedly in most respects unless it was something that personally offended him. It meant Magnus didn’t have to worry about him being a hot-headed person although he hadn’t suspected Alec was in the first place.

As Magnus walked into English though, his own temper flared up at the sight of Camille and her cronies watching him with intrigue. He and Camille shared a rather unique story. During Magnus’ partying phase he had a drunken one night stand with her that had turned into a couple of mediocre hook-ups. Not long after that, the intervention from Tessa happened and he had cut off all ties with Camille. He didn’t particularly like her and he didn’t like reliving those memories of his worse years so whenever she interacted with him he kept the conversation as short as possible. 

As soon as she had found out about Alec she had been weirdly interested and it was starting to irritate Magnus. 

“Hi, Magnus. Sit here.” She called, as he tried to find an empty chair to no avail. He sank into the chair next to Camille’s reluctantly and pulled his book out intent on ignoring her for an hour. 

They were analysing Gatsby when Camille shuffled uncomfortably close.

“So. Is Alec less boring than he seems. Or do you prefer someone with less personality?” She asked, dangerously loud considering Mr Starkweather was only two rows away. 

“I don’t see how _my_ relationship has anything to do with you, honestly.” Magnus replied coldly, not looking up.

“Is he fun? In bed? I didn’t see anything weird in my spare room and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was a lil’ vanilla. But if that’s the case I don’t see it lasting, darling.” She said spitefully, eyes flashing, “You’re not a boring person, Magnus, you just need to spice it up. I’d be willing if you-” Before Camille could finish, Magnus looked up with murderous thoughts running through his head. 

“Myself and Alexander aren’t interested in a threesome, Camille and even if we were you would be the last person we would ask, believe me. Desperation and vanity aren’t our thing, _darling_.” Magnus snapped icily, sensing most of the class listening in but not caring enough to lower his voice. 

“Maybe everyone should start living their own lives, instead of living through my relationship like stalkers.” He added, looking specifically at Camille and her three friends.

Camille looked furious, her eyes were shining with anger and humiliation and for a second, Magnus almost felt bad. 

“We’ll see how long it lasts, Magnus. Everyone knows Alec’s a weirdo who wanders off everyday and doesn’t tell anyone where he’s going. I give it a month.” She hissed, trying to look unbothered by Magnus’ comments. 

And just like that Magnus wondered how he’d ever thought about feeling sorry for her.  
He ignored her final comments and turned back to his book. At least if this spread, people would stop asking such inappropriate questions. 

Although he couldn’t help but wonder if Camille’s final comments had hit a nerve. Their relationship was going amazingly well but in the back of his mind, Magnus knew that Alec was keeping something from him and it was starting to occupy his thoughts more. 

Now that they were spending time together in school as well as outside of school, their respective friendship groups had started to merge (with some reluctance from Raphael but he ended up making friends with Izzy and Simon oddly enough) and with that meant that when they could, they all sat together at lunch on the biggest table in the cafeteria.

It had been great at first, Magnus felt like he had finally figured out his place in school and he was surrounded by his friends and his boyfriend. Meeting Alec’s brother for the first time had been interesting to say the least but he also got to hang out with Clary more now. Jace had looked him up and down and said “Izzy, I see what you mean. He _is_ out of Alec’s league.” And then he had promptly ducked as Alec threw his water bottle at his head similarly to the way Magnus had at Ragnor multiple times. 

Then Jace had started chatting to Will - of all people - and they ended up becoming fast friends. Now many of Magnus’ friends and Alec’s friends were meeting outside of school because they got on so well and both Magnus and Alec had felt a little bit smug about that. 

But aside from that, Magnus had noticed that Alec _did_ wander off without any warning. Most of the time it was after lunch and interestingly enough Isabelle and Jace always seemed to attach themselves to Magnus and start a conversation with him right before Alec left. He always came back before their final lessons though because Magnus had started to meet Alec before he went to basketball practise and Alec did the same when Magnus had drama rehearsals and yoga. Sometimes it was for a specific purpose but more often than not it was so they could make out before saying goodbye to each other for the day.

But Alec’s disappearing act was playing on Magnus’ mind. It was consistent so clearly there was a reason for it. Jace and Izzy obviously knew what was going on and Magnus would hazard a guess that Clary knew something as well because she looked guilty whenever he mentioned that he was happy they were spending time together. It wasn’t making Magnus feel bitter but a part of him was wondering how he was supposed to win Alec’s trust without having any idea what his secret could be. 

Except he had thought of one thing. And it made sense. But… He didn’t understand why Alexander would keep it so hidden when it was relatively common. 

So he dismissed his theories and internally berated himself for trying to guess what Alec was hiding when it was clearly a big issue for him. Alec would tell him. Eventually. He hoped.

* * *

Magnus hurried into the cafeteria knowing he was later than usual after staying behind to talk to his drama teacher. 

Alec was already sat with Jace, Will and Jem and he smiled so softly when he saw Magnus that his heart started to beat faster. 

Magnus smiled back trying to calm down and nodded at the rest of the table in greeting before joining the line for food. 

“Magnus. Over here.” Isabelle’s familiar voice rang through the cafeteria without hesitation because Izzy had no qualms about drawing attention to them. 

She was stood halfway through the line with Simon, Tessa and Clary who were engrossed in conversation. Magnus hesitated for only a second before cutting the line deciding he’d rather annoy people slightly than wait for another ten minutes to get food.

“Has the fame gotten to your head yet?” Izzy asked mischievously when he had said hello to all of them. 

Magnus groaned, “Don’t start, Camille already told me how she felt loudly in English.” 

At that, Simon turned to him and looked intrigued. “Is that why she stormed down the hallway an hour ago?” 

Magnus laughed at the image. “That sounds like a general Camille thing to do but yes I probably provoked it.”

“Good for you, Magnus. I don't know why everyone's so obsessed with yours and Alec's relationship, honestly.” Isabelle said with an impressed smile. 

“Neither do I, my dear but I think people are finally starting to lose interest. I just have to keep my hands off Alexander in public and everyone will get back to their lives.” Magnus grabbed a tray from the side as they moved up the line. 

Because he got to the cafeteria late he knew he couldn't get a full meal and eat it in time but all the good cold food was gone so he grabbed a random sandwich, an apple and a bottle of water rather sadly and paid quickly, hoping his mother was in a good enough mood to make Mie Goreng for dinner. 

He slid into the chair next to Alec’s with ease as Izzy and Simon sat opposite and Clary and Tessa went around the table to sit next to the others, still talking animatedly. 

“Hi.” Alec nudged Magnus adorably as he spoke and Magnus couldn't stop the smile that appeared on his face in response. 

“Hello Alexander.” He replied, opening his sandwich reluctantly. 

“Why do you look so…” Alec trailed off, clearly unsure how to describe the look on Magnus’ face. 

“Hungry? Because I am. And all I have time to eat is this sandwich.” Magnus pouted, knowing he was being ridiculous but hoping Alec would see it as cute. 

He must have because he chuckled and shook his head before leaning over to his tray, discarded in the middle of the table. There, still perfectly intact was a chocolate chip cookie the size of Magnus’ face. 

“It came with my meal.” Alec explained, as he took it from the tray and placed it on Magnus’. 

“You don't want it?” Magnus asked in disbelief, not wanting to eat it before making sure Alec didn't want to. 

Alec shook his head quickly. “No. I had pasta so I'm good.” 

Magnus didn't need telling twice so he set his sandwich down and took a large bite of the cookie immediately.

He couldn't hold back a satisfied moan at the sweet taste and he couldn't even find it in himself to feel bad that he was essentially having a cookie for lunch. Because it was a lot better than the sandwich would have been. 

Alec laughed at his over dramatic reaction and Magnus carried on just to see that beautiful smile and hear that deep laugh. 

Magnus finished the cookie quickly and felt Alec’s eyes on him as he drank his water. 

“What?” He asked curiously.

“Am I not allowed to look at my _boyfriend_?” Alec teased, his mouth raised in a smirk.

“Well. I'll allow it. But you were staring.” 

“Because I want to kiss you.” 

Magnus looked up at that, from where he had been piling his remaining food up. His body felt hot all of a sudden and his heart was thumping again.

“You can. If you want.” He replied, trying to sound calmer than he felt. 

Alec looked at the people still chatting on the tables around them. He bit his lip and Magnus’ gaze was attracted to his mouth as a result. And he couldn't look away. 

“I don't want to attract so much attention. Because they're starting to lose interest finally.” Alec admitted and he did look annoyed about his dilemma. 

Less than ten minutes ago, Magnus had said the same thing to Isabelle and Simon and said himself that he needed to keep his hands off Alec in public. But suddenly he found he didn't care at all. Why should he stop himself from appreciating his boyfriend just because people were gonna stare at them? Magnus wanted to kiss Alec right now and he was going to tempt Alec until he couldn't resist.

“Okay. It's fine. You'll just have to wait until after my rehearsal and your practise tonight. It's only three hours away.” He said airily, knowing Alec would rise to the bait. 

But Alec clearly didn't want to give in so easily. He seemed to struggle with himself for a moment before looking at Magnus directly and nodding.

“Yeah, you're right, only three hours.” He said before his phone went off and he picked it up, a frown appearing on his face as he read a text. 

Magnus however now felt set on getting a kiss before lunch ended. He pulled his emergency makeup bag out of his bag as it looked like he would have to resort to low measures to get what he wanted.

He used his shiniest lip balm to make his lips look especially inviting and he added a tiny bit of highlighter to his Cupid's bow to ensure Alec would notice it. 

“Sorry about-” Alec put his phone away and looked up just as Magnus had set his bag back on the floor and his face was a picture as he stared intently at Magnus’ lips. His cheeks flushed and his pupils dilated ever so slightly. 

“What was that, darling?” Magnus asked, deliberately lowering his voice to entice Alec further. 

Alec groaned in frustration, and rubbed the back of his neck. 

“You're so…” He broke off as he continued to stare at Magnus, again unable to find the right word to describe exactly how Magnus was affecting him. 

“Captivating, unique, interesting, otherworl-” Magnus was cut off as Alec lunged forward and crushed their mouths together. Their lips moved against each other for a few seconds and Alec started to pull away, probably thinking that they shouldn't make-out in the cafeteria but Magnus didn't agree. He wrapped his arms around Alec's neck and slipped his tongue into Alec's mouth. He didn't know why he felt so playful and teasing all of a sudden but he couldn't hear Alec complaining as he gripped his biceps and responded to the kiss with fervor. 

At the same time however they both remembered where they were and pulled apart to see almost everyone in the cafeteria looking in their direction, some subtly and some not so. 

Jace was smirking widely at Alec and Izzy and Simon were smiling knowingly. Tessa merely looked amused as did Clary, Will and Jem. 

Alec turned back to look deep into Magnus’ eyes - inches away from each other as they still hadn't pulled out of their close position - and he licked his lips teasingly. 

“You play dirty, Magnus Bane.” He said lowly, eyes trained on Magnus’ lips once more. 

“I have no idea what you're talking about, Alexander.” Magnus tried innocently, breaking into a smirk when Alec narrowed his eyes at him.

Alec groaned again, pulling back further, with regret. 

“I actually have to go. I need to see… Mr Starkweather. But I'm free tonight. We could study for the math test?” 

Magnus didn't miss Alec's hesitation before saying Mr Starkweather but he was more focussed on the way Alec smirked when he said they could study. 

He had a funny feeling they wouldn't do much studying but he wasn't about to call him out on it when he was feeling the same desire as Alec. 

“Okay, Alexander. We’ll _study_.” He replied, winking at Alec just to see him blush. 

He did, of course but he didn't let Magnus enjoy it on because he stood up and grabbed his bag.

“I'll see you later then.” He leaned down and kissed Magnus on the forehead - which made Magnus’ heart beat faster than it had when they had kissed properly - and then said quick goodbyes to everyone else at the table, shoving Jace who probably said something inappropriate. 

Will and Jem came over to Magnus’ side of the table and sat on either side of him clearly wanting something so he raised an eyebrow at Will and hoped he wouldn't ramble for too long. 

“So Magnus. Myself and Jem were just wondering, out of idle curiosity, when exactly you and Alec made it official?” He asked, widening his eyes in an effort to seem innocent. 

“My birthday. Why do you ask?” Magnus replied, intrigued against his better judgement. 

“YES! Pay up Carstairs. I was right.” Will exclaimed triumphantly, holding his hand out to Jem who looked uncharacteristically annoyed. 

He fished out $40 and handed it over to Will who pocketed it quickly all while Magnus tried to understand what exactly was happening. 

“I told you about the bet I made back in November, Magnus.” Will explained when Magnus glared at him pointedly. “I bet that you would get a boyfriend before Christmas and you did.” 

“Well I’m so glad that you are benefitting from my personal life, William.” Magnus said icily, just to see Will shrink away from him. 

“Don’t be like that, Magnus. You’re happy. I can tell. We can all tell.” Will said honestly and Magnus couldn’t even pretend it wasn’t true because it was disgustingly so. He was happy. Insanely happy. Except when he remembered that Alec was keeping something from him. 

“I am happy. You’re right. I can genuinely see myself staying with Alec and falling in love with him because I already find myself caring more about him the more I get to know him. But Alec is keeping something important from me and that’s holding me back. And I don’t know what it will take to get him to tell me.” 

Will and Jem both seemed surprised with his sudden torrent of words and Magnus realised he had needed to let that out and tell someone for a while now. 

“Magnus, it’s okay to feel frustrated about that. You care about Alec and he clearly cares about you from what I’ve seen. But it can take people a while to build trust. I’m sure Alec will tell you eventually, you just have to be patient.” Jem said, calm as always. 

“Yeah, if it’s something serious he’ll have to tell you but it will also be harder, I guess. Just give him time. And stop worrying.” Will said sternly. 

And their combination of advice, Jem’s composed logic and Will’s certainty made Magnus feel like a weight had been lifted. 

“Thank you both. I’m not happy that you made a bet about me but I appreciate the advice.” Magnus said sincerely, smiling to show he wasn’t that annoyed. 

And when the bell rang to signal the end of lunch, Magnus felt lighter and happier than he had in awhile. The combination of Jem and Will’s advice and how much he cared for Alec helped the constant worrying to take a back seat. For now.

* * *

Hands tangled in previously styled hair as Magnus trailed his lips across Alec’s jaw, pressing teasing kisses against his skin and relishing in how Alexander’s fingers tightened in his hair when he lingered. 

“Magnus, stop teasing.” Alec huffed out as he dropped one hand down to Magnus’ hip and started inching it up under his shirt, his fingers cold against Magnus’ heated skin.

“What do you want?” Magnus breathed out, feeling more than a little bit turned on. He needed to control himself a little better if they wanted to wait to have sex.

Right now, Magnus didn’t really want to wait for anything. Not when Alec was laid out underneath him, looking at Magnus with burning desire in his dark eyes. 

“You.” Alec murmured, voice low and husky. And if Magnus said he didn’t suddenly feel way too hot, he’d be lying. 

“You have me.” He said, unable to get rid of the smile on his face as he settled more comfortably on Alec’s lap. 

“You know what I meant.” Alec grumbled as he pulled Magnus closer and closed the gap between them. 

This kiss was desperate, unlike the slow, consuming way it had started when Magnus had leaned over Alec to grab his pencil and ended up half on top of him. Studying had gone downhill from there.

Magnus deepened the kiss and felt Alec respond instantly, his back arching upwards and his hands clutching at Magnus’ biceps aimlessly. 

Magnus kept one hand around Alec’s neck and let the other one trail down to his t-shirt until he slipped it under the hem and felt Alec’s rock hard abs waiting for him. 

If anyone asked, Magnus would not be able to give a solid answer on how long they kissed and touched for but some time later, they shifted positions at the same time, their hips aligned and they both groaned simultaneously. They were clearly both aroused and it wouldn’t be hard to carry on - Magnus’ mother was at work and they had the house to themselves. 

But reluctantly - so reluctantly - Magnus pulled back ever so slightly. 

“We should stop before we get carried away.” 

Alec whined as Magnus brought his hand back out from under his shirt and Magnus was tempted to forget everything he ever said and press Alec further into the mattress but the tiny part of him that was still functioning won out somehow. 

“Maybe we should calm down. I’ll go and make us some food.” 

Alec sat up properly at that and ran his hands through his thoroughly ruined hair. 

“I’m not hungry.” 

Magnus stared at him, confused. 

“It’s almost 7pm, Alec. We haven’t eaten for over five hours. How can you not be hungry?” 

Alec bit his lip and frowned. Magnus suddenly felt irrationally angry. Why was Alec so secretive about the strangest of things? He stood up and took a step towards the doorway but held Alec’s eyes. 

“I just don’t want anything. It’s not a big deal.” Alec finally tried, avoiding Magnus’ eyes.

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Alec. This isn’t a one off. You have specific meals at school, you always disappear before the bell goes and you’re so particular about when and what you eat.” Magnus couldn’t hold back once he started. He hated not understanding what Alec’s problem was. 

“I didn’t realise I was obligated to always tell you where I’m going, Magnus.” Alec retorted, his expression turning angry as quickly as Magnus’ did. 

“If it’s something important, then you should _want_ to tell me. We’re in a relationship, you can’t keep pushing me away.” Magnus tried to lower his voice but he couldn’t help getting louder as he talked, all of his emotions pouring out in an outburst. 

“I told you that I was a secretive person and you said it was fine.” 

“I didn’t think it was something that affected you all the time. It’s clearly a big deal, if you still feel so uncomfortable talking about it.” Magnus said, starting to calm down and feel less angry and more hurt. 

“I want to tell you! I just- it’s not the right time, okay. Please, Magnus, I will tell you everything. Soon.” Alec’s eyes were pleading and Magnus’ heart felt like it was being pulled out of his chest. 

“Okay. But please trust me. I care about you, Alexander, a lot. And I don’t want something to be holding us back.”

“I care about you too, Magnus. So much.” 

“I’m sorry for shouting. I overreacted. You’re allowed to not be hungry. I am a theatre student. Dramatic.” Magnus joked as he moved closer to the bed again and took Alec’s hands. 

“No, Magnus don’t apologise. I was honestly more frustrated that we couldn’t carry on making out.’ He smirked briefly, “I’ll have some food. I’ll just have to go home afterwards.” Alec took his hands out of Magnus’ and pulled him in by the waist instead so that his eyes were level with Magnus’ torso. 

Magnus leaned down and kissed Alec quickly before pulling back and darting downstairs to make some grilled cheese sandwiches. 

As he pulled bread and cheese out, his mind wandered back to Alec’s words. Soon. Hopefully sooner than later anyway. Because if Magnus had flipped over something so small, who knows what he’d do if something major happened. 

Soon.

* * *

“Have you told him yet?” Alec heard Izzy’s voice before he saw her but when he did see her, he didn’t feel any better. 

She was stood right by his bed and her hands were on her hips. 

“....No.” Alec’s voice came out muffled from his pillow. 

“Alec! Dios, why not?” Izzy pulled the pillow off his bed, and snapped her fingers in front of his face impatiently. 

“I don’t know, Izzy. I just can’t. Not yet.” 

“I’m pretty sure he already knows. Why are you making it such a big deal? Is it because of Chase?” 

Alec kept silent but Isabelle pressed on, determined to get an answer out of him. 

“Wait. Alec. It’s not just because of Chase is it?” 

This time, Alec’s silence confirmed things for Isabelle and she sighed. 

“ _Hermano_ , you know no one blames you for what happened. Only you do. You can’t keep this from Magnus because of something that happened almost 5 years ago.” 

“I know, Izzy. But I can’t find the right time. I am going to tell him. He deserves to know. I’ll tell him soon. Really soon.” Alec sat up and Izzy put her hand on his shoulder silently but supportively. 

He meant it. He would tell Magnus the truth. Soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed that :) we are getting super close to the confession and I hope you guys are ready. Next two chapters ;)  
> Again, might be a long wait till the next chapter but I never end up sticking to what I say on here so you never know it could be updated next week :) 
> 
> Follow me on tumblr if you want because I post snippets of the upcoming chapters on there, I'm [malec-go-to-hogwarts](http://malec-go-to-hogwarts.tumblr.com/)  
> And my twitter is @hogwartsmalec :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus has a major realisation, attends a sports game for once and...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooooooo....  
> I actually can’t believe this is finally going up. I am so sorry about how long it’s taken, I’ve had work and school and rehearsals but I’ve finally gotten this done. It’s completely unbeta-ed but I wanted to get it up as soon as possible.  
> I did put one section in this chapter that I was planning on putting in ch10 but I know y’all will love me for it so pls express that in the comments.  
> Hope that what happens in this chapter is a reward for how late this update is...? Anyway thank you to anyone who has stuck around and enjoy ;)

_Three weeks later._

Magnus hummed under his breath as Alec pulled into the school parking lot. 

The air was still frosty and cold despite nearing March so Magnus had taken full advantage and brought out his favourite winter coat in deep burgundy. Alec had also given him one of his letterman jackets because it matched with its burgundy and black colour scheme. 

They walked into school hand in hand and stopped at Alec’s locker and Magnus didn’t see anyone looking at them interestedly or starting to whisper as they walked by.  
People had lost interest once they realised their relationship was sticking around. Ironic, really, that people were only interested if the relationship seemed doomed. 

Magnus didn’t care anymore though, he was enjoying being in the little bubble of happiness that Alec created whenever he was with him.  
He didn’t want to tempt fate but things were going extremely well. They hadn’t argued again since the incident in Magnus’ room three weeks ago and Magnus had no plans to press the issue of Alec’s secret because every time he thought about bringing it up, he saw the fear and guilt that had plagued Alec’s eyes that day. 

Swiftly he stopped thinking about it. Dwelling makes things worse. Magnus had learnt that the hard way unfortunately. 

“Magnus?” Alec’s voice cut through Magnus’ haze and he blinked to see his hazel eyes laced with teasing concern. 

“Away with the fairies again?” Alec asked amusedly, slinging his arm around Magnus’ shoulders as he shut his locker and they started walking again. 

“Hey! Who was it that kept me up on FaceTime until 3am last night?”Magnus nudged Alec’s shoulder in answer, “I am _tired_.” 

Alec raised one eyebrow and Magnus tried to suppress how cute he found it. 

“I didn’t hear you complaining about it when I took my shirt off to get into bed.” He quipped and Magnus struggled to find a response that wasn’t admitting his defeat. 

“So I’m not blind. We already knew that.” Magnus was about to pat Alec’s abs in emphasis when Jace came bowling out of nowhere to tackle Alec and almost knock Magnus into the lockers. 

“Who’s ready for the game!” Jace shouted - too loudly for 9am. 

“Jace. Do you know what time it is? Your game is in six hours.” Magnus stood as tall as he could and directed a glare towards the blonde idiot. He was rewarded with an apprehensive glance towards Alec. 

“Um. Alec, your boyfriends scary.” 

“I know.” 

Magnus nodded his head smugly at Jace and quickly kissed Alec on the cheek. 

“I have to go find Tessa but I’ll see you at lunch, Alexander.” 

Alec smiled softly and nodded and then turned to Jace, probably to have the conversation that Jace had actually came over for. 

And Magnus stood frozen for a while, watching Alec’s face light up with different emotions as he interacted with Jace, seeing that signature eye roll as Jace said something no doubt annoying. And then his beautiful laugh that made Magnus want to stop time and hear it on repeat forever. And something clicked in Magnus’ mind. 

He was in love with Alec.

* * *

“I think I love Alec.” Magnus blurted out while himself and Tessa were supposed to be discussing the recent experiment they had done a couple of lessons ago. 

Tessa didn’t seem surprised in the slightest. She nodded with a smile on her face. 

“I know you do.” 

Magnus gaped. “What do you mean? Is it obvious? I only realised just now.” 

“Magnus I’ve known you for seven years. I can tell when you just like someone. So it was obvious to me that it was more serious with Alec. And you’ve both had a serious case of heart eyes at each other for a few weeks now.” Tessa’s eyes glinted at Magnus and he was struck by how observant she was, always seeing what everyone else overlooked. 

“Do I tell him?” He asked, wary of what the answer would be. Or rather what he _wanted_ it to be. 

“Telling him at some point might be a good idea, yes,” Tessa’s eyes twinkled as Magnus rolled his eyes, “Wait until the right moment and if you think he will respond well, then tell him.” 

“That’s easier said than done,” Magnus pondered aloud, then remembered something he’d been meaning to ask Tessa about, “Speaking of things that we have observed about each other recently, how long have you liked both Will _and_ Jem for?” 

Tessa’s eyes widened fractionally and she sighed in defeat. “For too long. I don’t know what I’m going to do, Magnus.” 

“That’s what I’m here for.” Magnus said, smiling and settling further into the admittedly uncomfortable chairs in science.

* * *

BOOM

The coach blew the whistle sharply and the game began. Magnus would normally complain about having to attend something like this but seeing 24 physically fit, tall guys run around in vests and shorts was not exactly a hardship and seeing as Alexander was one of them, the benefits only continued. 

Later on, he wouldn’t say he hadn’t been watching the game because he definitely had his eyes in the direction of the game but he would admit to watching Alec more than the actual gameplay itself. 

He watched as Alexander dribbled the basketball easily and passed to Jace who grabbed it naturally. He watched as Alec swept his hair back off his forehead and wiped glistening sweat off his brow. And then Alec ran around the length of the court trying to block one of the opposition from getting the ball back.  
And Magnus internally wondered how he hadn’t realised he was in love with Alec till now. It was as if - now that he knew - he couldn’t stop thinking of all the reasons why he loved Alec.  
Magnus looked up - realising he’d zoned out for a moment - and his eyes quickly found Alec on the court.  
And then he watched in horror as Alec’s eyes widened and his body went stiff and his head turned frantically to the audience. 

And then Magnus saw his boyfriend, the man he loved, drop to the ground and start shaking with a seizure.

* * *

“Jace! Jace! I swear to god if you don’t let me through that door right now, so help me…” Magnus shouted as loudly as he dared as Jace continued to block the entrance to the locker room where Alec was apparently “feeling better.” But for some crazy reason Jace said Alec didn’t want to see anyone. 

“I am not just anyone. I am Alec’s boyfriend and I want evidence that Alec does not want to see me before I will even think about leaving this school.” 

Magnus’ head was pounding with worry, his slightly irrational anger at Jace building and his urge to just barge past him and see Alec for himself was also getting stronger. 

Jace straightened up to his full height (still slightly smaller than Magnus) and although his stance was still strong and his face was still unwavering, his eyes did soften. 

“Magnus,’ Jace began in lower tones than Magnus was expecting, “I know you’re worried about Alec. Believe it or not I get it. But this isn’t the right time for you and Alec to have the conversation you need to have. So please, Alec wants you to go home, get some rest and he’s going to call you when he’s ready.” 

“But-“

“He’s okay. I promise.” Jace patted Magnus on the shoulder and then turned to walk back into the locker room giving Magnus a glimpse of Izzy’s long hair and a flash of metal before the door swung closed again. 

Part of him was ready to waltz in despite Jace’s reassurances and demand an explanation but the rational part of him also knew that he should respect Alec’s family and give Alec the time he needed. 

But one thing he _was_ sure about was that the next time he saw Alec he was finally going to be told the truth.

* * *

The weekend had never gone slower. Magnus was beginning to think that this was the longest Sunday ever because it was only 6pm and all he’d done was wander around his house, written two songs about Alec and lay on his bed thinking.  
About Alec. Which was exactly what he did yesterday too. 

He hadn’t even bothered getting any homework out because he knew anything he attempted to do would be absolutely worthless anyway.  
It didn’t help that he’d only gotten about two hours of sleep Friday night and last night after tossing and turning for what felt like eons. And he tried to take a nap but there was so much on his mind, swirling around, that he couldn’t lie still for long enough. 

He was lying down now though. And his bed was admittedly very comfortable. And even though his mind was still crammed with worry and anticipation of Alec calling, it was starting to be overtaken by pure exhaustion. 

And he felt his eyelids dropping. 

Slowly. 

But surely….

 _Two hours later._

Magnus’ eyes fluttered open, his heart clenched with the immediate feeling of being watched. Perhaps that was the reason he’d woken up because it definitely didn’t feel like he’d had enough sleep.  
He turned onto his back and rubbed his eyes slowly.  
And when he finally opened them properly, he shut them again immediately.  
Because he didn’t want to believe that Alexander was standing in his bedroom doorway, with a soft but sad smile on his face and wearing a thick grey jumper and black jeans. 

But when he opened them again, he was still standing there. 

“Alexander,” Magnus breathed so quietly it didn’t even sound like an actual word. 

Alec stepped into Magnus’ room gingerly, the only sign of him still feeling slightly weak were the light purple shadows under his eyes. 

“Your mom let me in before she left, she told me all about her work conference and said we should be  
‘safe.’” Alec rambled on, clearly nervous. 

Magnus sat up and gazed at Alec who stared back, now at the foot of Magnus’ bed. 

“So…?” They both said at the exact same time. It was a testament to how serious they were both feeling that they didn’t laugh but instead just smiled at each other. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t see you on Friday. I wanted to but…” Alec trailed off clearly unsure of how to start talking to Magnus about what had happened. 

“It’s okay,’ Magnus reached out his hand and took Alec’s to pull him closer until he got the hint and sat down on the bed. They stared at each other for so long, Magnus was beginning to wonder if Alec had actually come to tell him everything after all. 

He studied Alec’s tired yet still beautiful face and his pale complexion. His eyes were still as stunning as ever, shining with uncertainty and unease within the brown-green depths. And Magnus knew. 

"You have diabetes. Don't you?" Magnus said, breaking the silence with the sharpest of questions. 

Alec stared at him for nearly a minute, his eyes boring into him almost too intently, but with no surprise or denial on his face. 

"I knew you'd figure it out. It isn't hard when you spend so much time with me. You've thought it for a while." Alec commented matter of factly and Magnus nodded his confirmation. 

"You're probably wondering… why I don't tell people. Not only is it "not a big deal anymore" but it's also dangerous when my diabetes is classed as severe. I do have a reason, two actually." 

Magnus gulped, not knowing where this was heading. 

"Alexander. You can tell me everything. I'm not going to run away." 

Alec seemed to almost flinch at that. 

"Okay. I'll tell you. The first reason why I don't tell anyone and didn't tell you is because of something that happened… when I hadn't long been diagnosed. I know you’ve wondered why I haven’t invited you into my house yet. It's not because I haven't wanted to, it's because I knew I'd have to explain myself then." Alec shifted on Magnus' bed, clearly uncomfortable but determined to tell Magnus everything. 

"I have a brother called Max. He was... almost 4 and I was 12. I'd been diagnosed for about a year and I was starting to get used to it. I've always been severe but I was learning to cope with the seizures and the sudden hypos. My mom, dad, Jace and Izzy wanted to go see this movie together but Max wasn't old enough and I had no desire to see it so I went to my parents and I said that I could look after Max for two hours. My mom has told me since then that she regrets agreeing more than anything else. They blame themselves. But it's- my fault, that it happened." Alec's voice broke and Magnus started to move towards him but Alec sat back, out of his reach. 

"No. If you touch me I'll… I’ll break down. Please, Magnus. I _have_ to tell you." 

Magnus was fighting tears himself, just seeing Alec in pain as he remembered that day. 

"So they left and I was fine for an hour or so, I played with Max and his toys and then I put some cartoons on TV and we watched them. But then he started getting... restless. Because he was a toddler my mom had started taking him on walks to tire him out a bit more. So I thought I could do that. My blood sugars had been really good all day and I guess I felt that if I managed that walk, I'd have proved that diabetes didn't have to own me. So I got Max ready and we left the house." 

Alec's hands were shaking now and Magnus fought the urge to hold him until he calmed down.

"We'd been walking for about 10 minutes when it - it happened. I felt my hands shaking and before I could do anything, I started having a seizure. Max was so young he didn't know what was going on and - and... he just r- ran into the road trying to get help. And he was so... small that... th- the car didn't see him."  
Tears streamed down Alec's face and he swiped them away, looking at Magnus with so much pain in those beautiful hazel eyes. 

"And somehow... he survived. But he was paralysed from the waist down. He'll never have children. And he'll never walk. Because- because of me." 

Something in Alec broke and he started sobbing silently, his shoulders moving as he buried his head in hands. 

Magnus moved to him, as tears streamed down his own face, and he pulled Alec into his chest and wrapped his arms around him. 

He didn't know how long they stayed there for, it could have been minutes or hours but eventually Alec's breathing evened out slightly and he pulled back, his eyes red and his face pale. 

"I'm sorry. I try and find other outlets to take out my frustration and sadness but - when I talk about Max... I feel so helpless." Alec looked resolutely at his lap, fiddling with his hands. 

"Alexander. Look at me." Magnus said gently. 

Alec did look up and Magnus held his gaze as he spoke. "You are not to blame for what happened to Max. It was out of _your_ control _and_ his. No one can predict the future. I know you've probably heard it a million times before but you can't blame yourself. It will haunt you forever, if you do." 

Alec looked unconvinced but he nodded slightly. 

"There's a second reason why I didn't tell you." He said, after a small moment of them staring at each other in silence. 

"Don't tell me if you feel uncomfortable or if it will make you upset Alexander." Magnus said, placing his hand over both of Alec's, where they were still shaking. 

"No, I want to tell you everything." Magnus saw the determination in Alec's eyes again so he nodded for Alec to continue.

"I told you that Chase, the guy I dated, died because we were meeting late that night. I wasn't out and that was the only time I met him. We had this little spot in a random park. That's where he was driving." 

Alec took a deep breath, to compose himself. 

"Chase had sent me a text earlier that evening. It said that he didn't want to do this anymore. He wanted to have a real relationship. And even though I didn't love him, I felt like I owed it to him to be honest. To tell him why I didn't want to be open and why I was so secretive all the time. I was going to tell him about my diabetes and how I let it control me and my decisions." 

Magnus realised where this was going and he couldn't help his tiny gasp as he understood the full weight of Alec's reason. Alec didn't seem to notice; so lost in his own story.

"I texted him to meet me, saying it was urgent and that I would explain everything. The police said afterwards that he'd been driving quite fast. Because of me. Again -Again my diabetes had affected someone in my life. This time fatally." 

Tears were shining in Alec's eyes again, as they were in Magnus, as an overwhelming wave of pity and sadness washed over him. He looked at Alec and he couldn't believe one person felt so much blame for things that were completely out of his control. Alec had let these two awful, unstoppable situations take over him. He still felt like it was all his fault. 

"Alexander. I can never understand how you feel about this. But I can say that it's not your fault. Again and again. Until you believe me. Because it's true. You think that these things happened because of you and because you're diabetic. But if you weren't diabetic you might still have gone for a walk with Max. You might still have told a boy to meet you at night. The situations might have been different and the outcomes might have. But you're never going to know that. And if you continue to let these painful events hold control over you, it's never going to feel better. Does your brother blame you?" 

Alec smiled softly at that and shook his head. "No, every time I even mention it, he tells me it doesn't matter. That it doesn't change his life. But. It does. He's only 9, he doesn't realise yet the full extent of his injury. And I just- I think he's going to resent me for it." Alec finished, breathing deeply and shaking again. 

Magnus shuffled even closer to Alec than he already was, so their chests were almost pressed each other and Alec was practically sat in Magnus' lap. 

"I can't make this better for you. I can't change it and I can't get you to forgive yourself because I know from experience how hard that is. But I can promise you I'm not going to run away. I'm going to stay with you, as long as you still want me." 

Alec looked at Magnus in surprise, his eyes wide. 

"You are? I thought you'd end things with me when you saw how much I let this control me." 

"You can't help that. And I can't blame you for that because I don't know what it's like to be in your situation. But I'm not just going to ditch you when things get difficult." 

"Why not. Relationships should be fun and easy, not difficult." 

"Because I care about you. You make me happy. Even when you're sad. And I want to make you happy when you are sad. Like right now." Magnus took a deep breath, making a split second decision. 

"And because I love you, Alexander." 

Alec's face transformed with surprise. His eyebrows lifted, his eyes widened and his mouth dropped open slightly. 

"You love me? Even after hearing all that." He asked, his tone incredulous. 

"Especially after hearing all that. You're human. You're allowed to break down and feel things. It's not going to stop me being in love with you." Magnus admitted, feeling the slightest bit shy all of a sudden. 

Alec seemed to be having trouble processing this. His face was showing a flash of different emotions each one contrasting the last. 

Finally he broke into a wide smile, his eyes still shining with tears. 

"I love you too. I'm in love with you. And I have been for a while. That's why I wanted to tell you so badly. But it's also why I didn't. Because I thought I would lose you. But I'm not going to. Because you love me." Alec rambled, his face now lit with happiness, although the previous stress and sadness was still evident in his expression. 

"Yes I love you. And I'm going to continue loving you for as long as I can." Magnus said, relishing in the way Alec's cheeks reddened, returning to their normal colour. 

"I can't - I just - I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I don't want you to think it's because I didn't trust you, that's why I told you about Max and Chase but I do trust you. Fully. And I -" 

Magnus couldn't take it anymore he pulled Alec closer to him and kissed him. To stop his rambling but also to show him that nothing had changed. 

And as the full weight of the afternoons revelations sunk in, Magnus let his lips do the talking as Alec responded to the kiss. They kissed passionately and lovingly but nothing more because what they needed right now was not a physical connection it was reassurance. Their love for each other had just been admitted but it was burning inside Magnus so bright that he had to show Alec through the kiss. 

He wrapped both arms around Alec to try and bring him even closer, though they were probably as close as they could possibly get right now.

After a while they stopped kissing but they didn’t move away from each other.  
Instead Magnus pulled Alec down until they were laying next to each on the bed with their hands joined and their legs tangled. 

And they talked. About everything and nothing. They didn’t talk specifically about Alec’s diabetes but he did tell Magnus about his diagnosis. And he also spoke about Max a lot. And Magnus told Alec more about Abe. And they both cried. 

And eventually, their voices died down and they just curled into each other and lay in silence. 

Right before they drifted off, Magnus thought about how what had felt like the worst weekend ever was now probably his best. 

“I love you, Alexander.” He breathed into Alec’s shoulder, thinking Alec was already asleep. 

“I love you too, Magnus.” Alec whispered back, before they both gave into their exhaustion willingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.....  
> I did that.  
> Yup.  
> Most of y’all figured out Alec was diabetic but no one thought of max having anything to do with Alec being so secretive so I hope it lives up the expectations. Also just to add, my sister has had juvenile diabetes for 14 years now so if anyone disagrees with anything I have said then honestly I know I’m not wrong because I have lived and seen the effects of diabetes and what it can do.  
> Anyway thanks for reading and I hope everyone enjoyed. Pls comment below what you thought and let me know if you had guessed it was diabetes :)


	10. NOT A CHAPTER IM SORRY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER BUT I AM NOT ABANDONING THIS FIC BELIEVE ME...... okay just read below lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So its been ridiculously long since I last uploaded anything on here for a multitude of reasons.  
>  Any long time readers of this will know that I've always struggled to fit in time for writing as I was still at school till June this year and I also had a job, a main role in my school production and exams to revise for. So all of that really delayed any chapters anyway. But then back in December I was hit with the worst case of writers block ever!!!! It was terrible and if I'm completely honest its only recently gone. I kept trying to write in my spare time but the inspo wasn't there and because I wrapped up the first part of this fic with chapter 9 (note I say first part because this fic is split into part 1 which is chap 1-11 ish and then part 2 which at the moment is looking like 11-20 ) I didn't feel the same urgency to write because I knew that ch10 and 11 are cute fluffy (and smutty-----) kinda fillers which is nice but not calling to me to be written.  
>  So I took a full break from writing, I did my exams (my results are next Thursday eeeep), changed to a full time but routine job where I'm free all evenings and weekends now and I am officially on my gap year as well. And my writers block went HALLELUJAH! But with that I have ended up spending soooo much time on a new fic that I'm so excited about and almost ready to post the first chapter of (by almost I mean I'm writing 3k a day and its gonna be around 15-20k for the first chapter i think lol). But I have been working slowly through chapter 10 and its on 2k words right now and is probably gonna be about 6 so in the next few weeks I will hopefully have done it. (I need to stop giving time estimations tho)  
>  But I've been feeling so bad about not updating this so I thought I'd just drop this and hopefully it will give those who've been waiting for an update some hope and idea of when its coming.
> 
> Thank you so much to those who've left kind comments and inquired nicely about this fic coming back, I do appreciate it.

ALSO SAVE SHADOWHUNTERS AND FUCK FREEFORM BRO


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